'You are the most difficult patient I have ever met'..............

The words of my oncologist and if I am honest, I don�t blame him for saying this.

I was supposed to have Herceptin today, but didn�t. 

Usually when the oncologist asks me how I am , I tend to say �fine�. ( apart from that tiny little thing called �cancer�)

Today, I answered truthfully and listed my �symptoms� ( freezing all the time, with a few sweat outbreaks. Can�t really refer to is as a hot flushes, as this is worse and not very pleasant, out of breath, just from talking, let alone walking, no appetite and generally not feeling great. I was so much better during the summer)

This left me with a prescription for a lung scan, heart scan, blood test and x-ray. The x-ray was the compromise, as the oncologist wanted me to have a CT scan. I explained that I could not see any logic in pumping me full of radioactive stuff in order to carry out the scan to see if I have any cancer cells, when my immune system is on the floor. Surely that is likely to kick if all of again? He did not disagree, smiled , shrugged his shoulders and quite rightly said, that this was the only way to find out. So we settled on a x-ray for now. I am happy to have the radioactive scan next August, when I have finished Herceptin, if I do.

That, I figure will also give me time to blast my body with all alternative treatment I can get my hands on.

A wasted day, of hanging around��������� , but I guess better this, then take the risk, ( words of the oncologist) by having more Herceptin pumped into my veins, without knowing why I am feeling how I am. According to him, he does not think that any of the symptoms are related to Herceptin.

Well, we will see.  A few busy days ahead to get this all organised now. 

So much information...........

My challenge is to learn as much as I can, the real challenge with this is that unless I know that there is something to learn, how do you know about it............ ( not sure if that sentence made sense, but I know what I mean).

One of my longest standing friends from Germany came to visit me last week. Apart from us having a lovely time catching up ( when I was awake! Poor Gerti had to entertain herself with my dogs and chickens until I eventually made it into an upright position around lunchtime each day), I learned something new from her.

In fact, for the first time in 35 year ( I left that long ago) I wish I was German, I mean living in Germany.  She told me that her friend who had Breast Cancer in Germany was sent to a 'Rehab' ( also known as 'Kur' in Germany) for 4 weeks, paid for by the government. This 'Rehab place', designed only for Breast Cancer patients and Prostate Cancer patients,  is the equivalent of a 5 star hotel, with treatments, massages, swimming, reflexology, organic cuisine etc all day, every day for 4 weeks.

I am envious. In fact, I made contact with a KurHotel in Germany, so see if they have spaces. I crave a period of time of no thinking, no analysing,  no work, but just being looked after. Sounds like heaven to me.
Unfortunately I have been told that I should not fly at the moment, due to risk of infection, which means I will have to wait a few months, but I am seriously thinking about treating myself to a stay in this KurHotel.

What I also found out from Gerti and have of course been researching since, is that they also offer Lymph drainage. I have no idea that this exists. I had mentioned to Gerti that since the operation I had a lump ( size of a lemon) under my arm, which appears to be left from the infection I had after the operation. She mentioned that her friend had lymph drainage, and that this was part of the normal treatment.
Great, my oncologist simply shrugged his shoulders when I asked him and told me that the swelling would go down in time. How long though? It has been 6 months now.

Not sure if this is right time to mention this, but how long until my 'now blue nipple' turns normal again?? During the operation they used some blue liquid, which left me with a blue nipple!  Oncologist again, did not seem at all moved by my question and simply said again , 'it will go'. Mmmmmhhhhhh, I am keeping an eye on it!

No I am not obsessed ( or maybe I am), but needless to say, I am now trying to find someone here in the area who has the qualification to carry out Lymph drainage.  Fingers crossed I find someone!

Delighted...........

I have just received a call from Jan. He has had the results back for his son, the cancer has been removed successfully. The most amazing thing is that other children with the same cancer and the same operation in the same hospital, have not had this same great result.
The question is why? I realise that nobody will answer this one, but here is my theory.

Apart from Chemo, for over 40 days, Jan has been giving his son, the oil, the Budwig diet, Oxygen therapy, fever therapy, Muringa leaves, organic smoothies every single day, whilst the other children in the same hospital, watched TV, ate the hospital food  (  not organic) and any chocolates  ( sugar feeds cancer cells) visitors brought in.

It appears that the all round treatment has insured that after the cancer / tumor was cut out, no further cancer cells were identified. I am over the moon!!!

The photo above is of the type of operation Jan's son had. The second photo is Jan's son legs after the operation.

And against the nurses and doctors belief, who told Jan, that his son would  be in a wheel chair for the rest of his life, his movement is coming back and he can even stand ( with the help of his parents).

Confused.com....

So, this is the report from the scan for my liver and pancreas - all clear, all normal. 

And above is the analysis from the Budwig Centre , which clearly states, 'benign tumor on liver and pancreas........

Now what? I think I will open a bottle of wine and Geoff and I will watch the sunset!

Today is the day.............

I am due to have the liver scan later, to see if the Budwig centre were correct in their analysis in that I have a tumor on my liver and pancreas............ we will see.

Having read up on 'Heart failure', which is the side effect to Herceptin, I am moving more away from it.
I had no idea what 'Heart failure' meant before reading up on it, but at least I now know that the breathlessness I am experiencing, ( even just talking) and my lack of appetite are all normal , when heart failure occurs. Looks like I am close to this then. I am not happy at all. Another 'no win' situation.

Let's see what this afternoon brings........................

Sick people are profitable people............

I knew that 'traditional' medicine and the entire industry around it, is one of the most profitable businesses there is. I only need to look at the doctors bills so far.
My chemo (which I only had one session of) was estimated at �53000, the radiology, ( which I also opted out) was �15000 and every Herceptin session I have �3000, not to mention the countless blood tests and heart scans and meetings (which last no longer than 5 minutes)  with the Oncologist.
The pharmaceutical companies must love sick people.

But, it is not only the pharmaceutical industry that cashes in on sick people. When I went to the Budwig Centre, and started on the 'Budwig diet', I purchased the 'Lindseed / flaxseed oil' from the centre. I paid �38 for one litre of Lindseed oil. Yesteday, I found that Aldi, sell Organic Lindseel oil for �7.50 per 500ml, so �15 for on litre. The same oil, half the price.

Sick people are vulnerable and want to believe what professional tell them. I did.

The last 10 days I have felt awful, no other words really. Tired, tearful, exhausted, feeling weak, out of breath, unable to sleep, swollen fingers, fast and pounding heartbeat, runny nose,  struggling to concentrate, constantly feeling cold, ( I am wearing a wholly hat ( courtesy of  Robbie) most of the day and night even in bed, headaches and most unusually for me, I have been losing weight every day.
For those of you reading this, who know me, this is unheard of. I am the person who puts on weight, just by walking past a water tap and now I am the same weight I was when I moved to the UK in 1982.
Don't get me wrong, I was initially delighted to lose the 'floppy stomach', but as time went on, I kept thinking that this can't be normal. I have lost a stone since the summer. My parents, who have told me most of my life I should watch my weight, and now asking me to eat more. Strange old life.

But, as I am starting to get concerned about my general condition, I have re read and read more about the side effects of Herceptin and there is my answer. This is all down to the 'possible side effects' .
Heart-failure being the ultimate side effect!

This has left me re-analysing if I should stop Herceptin. I am 90% on the 'no more Herceptin' side, but 10% tell me that I should do it, as my cancer was HER+ and HER2 positive, which means my breast cancer is considered 'aggressive' because it grows and spreads quickly.
If only I knew what the 'right path' is.................

(http://www.herceptin.com/breast/herceptin)

Stress?!.....

So I am not meant to be stressed...........that is clearly easier said than done.

Last Wednesday I have my 5th Herceptin session. According to the Oncologist, I need to take it 'very easy' ( what exactly does that mean?), apart from my heart expanding with the Herceptin ( how can I forget that the possible side effect of this stuff is heart failure!!), he is now waiting to see if my legs swell up, which apparently is normal. Can't wait!
I am starting to struggle walking up a flight of steps, which I am not happy about.

The last week I have had to work and by the time I get to the office, climb up to the first floor, I feel bushed. ( out of breath and dizzy).
I am seriously considering stopping Herceptin. Dead and cancer free is not an option as far as I am concerned. Many would argue that if I stop Herceptin, I am likely to die, a kind of a 'no-win' situation. I think the end of the day nobody knows and I need to decide what I am most comfortable with.

To kill these little cancer cells, that might or might not be floating around in my body, I have also increased my Tumeric intake and like the oil, I now put the powder into an empty capsule ( tablet), that way I can digest a larger amount without it tasting to awful.
The oil I am stepping up, and increasing the dosage, with the result that I sleep more, need at least an hour to wake up ( when I eventually do), the downside is that I then rush around for the afternoon with meetings, usually arriving late in the office.
The Quark and Lindseed oil, which I would gladly give to any client asking for compensation because the sun is not shining!!!, also tastes awful, but will all the seeds and fruit I add in, it becomes bearable.
The Bi-carbonate soda, I take a couple of times a week, as I tend to run out of time during the day, the lindseed oil 'breakfast' fills me up until bed time, and I run out of time to eat main meals, salads etc. In fact nothing really tastes the same. Where in the past I loved food and drink, now I eat because my stomach is empty, not because I want to enjoy a nice meal. I wonder if my taste buds will return.

The other challenge, now that it is getting cooler. I am freezing most of the time. The thought of walking around without my wig or woolly hat ( courtesy of Robbie!), make me shiver. How do bald men cope with the winter?? I am not coping...........

10020 ........... who are you all?

10020 page views! Now I am new to writing a blog and Rhea my daughter showed  me the other day, that it is possible to track if anyone is reading my blog, which I have just done.

This feels strange. I started this blog in July in order to try and keep in touch with friends and family who had been texting, whats� aping, ( if that is how you spell it) and emailing me. The idea was to let everyone know at the same time what I was up to, rather than individually replying.

But,������.I don�t know 10000 people, I don�t think I could name 100 people who I thought read my blog����.so unless the people that I do know reading this, keep reading the same page over and over again, there must a quite a few people I have never met you are also reading it.

How naive am I, it�s on the web, so I guess anyone who comes across it, has the option to read it���.. well, I am baffled, not sure how I feel,�, I mean I am not that interesting.


I find my days are too short. By the time I wake up and get myself in an upright position it is usually lunch time. The oil really knocks me out, which I guess is good. It is frustrating though, as there is so much more reading I want to do and I constantly feel I don�t have enough time. I came across Dr. Peter Glidden.  I can�t help but feel happy when I read articles which support my view.

He says that people who refuse chemotherapy treatment live on average around 12 years longer than people who accept the chemotherapy treatment, most patients undergoing chemotherapy die in time frame of 3 years since they are diagnosed with cancer and some much faster than that (within few weeks since being diagnosed.) He also claims that patients with breast cancer who reject treatment live four times longer than those who undergo chemotherapy.
http://www.blueskyin.com/people-die-from-chemotherapy-not-cancer-said-doctor-peter-glidden/

So, if Chemo does not work, what else does? From what I have learned over the recent months, there are so many natural products, that are believed to kill cancer and prevent cancer. I have thrown myself into the alternatives and am 'doing them all!'. Well, that is what it feels like.

https://epigeneticlabs.com/magi-complex/
I have been using Turmeric the last few weeks on a frequent basis, ( it tends to give everything a 'curry sort of taste'), and am now looking for Myrrh and Frankincese. Very interesting reading indeed.

I am becoming a fan of 'Amazon', who tend to sell just about everything!!

Life ........ Death, Death ........Life

I am so lucky! , We are so lucky!
Today, it is our 30th Wedding anniversary, and in a couple of days, Geoff and I have been together 35 years!
35 interesting, fun filled, stressy, worrying, happy, mad, brilliant years, 3 children, one son in law and 6 dogs ( not to mention the chickens!) later, here we are today!! It doesn't get much better than this.

Ok you ............... I have been having even more difficulty sleeping recently because I don't know the answer to the following awkward question. ... what is the official line on your chances of a full recovery,  chances of you dropping down dead and chances of somewhere in between. I think about it all the time and I know I should know but I don't.  BTW I love you x Sent from my iPhone

Firstly Rutti, thank you for your text and I know you wont mind me copying it on my blog. ( note I have removed the endearing term you used!!!) A good question, no doubt others are also wondering about, but don't want to ask.

According to the 'bullying' oncologist I mentioned a few weeks ago, ( and no, I can't recommend him, a cynical bully!), I will 'die soon'. ( I did not hang around to ask him to expand on what he meant by 'soon')
According to the oncologist who is 'overseeing' me ( if a 3 minute, 'how are you', before I have the needles inserted into my veins, overseeing), I 'might be ok'. At least one step up from the Bully.
According to the Budwig Centre, I will 'be fine'. Another step up.
According to Rick Simpson, I will be 'healthy again'.

Well that is what I am hanging my hat on.  The end of the day, nobody knows. You might have seen a statistic I posted a couple of months ago, regarding the statistics on my type of cancer. 75% survival rate if I only have the tumor removed and then do nothing else. Another 8% added if I have chemo. So on paper, chemo might have killed some cancer cells I might have in my body and after 5 years, the pharma companies would have celebrated success in 'curing my breast cancer'. But of course the unknown factor here is what would happen next. Good cells killed, immune system weakened, the ideal breeding ground for cancer cells to form a sexy tumor somewhere.  It would then begin all over again, and I would then be in another form of statistics, and chemo no doubt would be the number 1 option again, which would then probably kill me.

So dear Rutti, ( firstly I love you, I hope you know that) and secondly, I can't answer your question.

Personally whilst initially I did think about dying, death and even began in my head to organise my funeral / leaving party ( yes Rutti you are invited), I have not completed the planning of this, as now, I simply don't think about it. It is not an option. I have too much to do and no time for dying, just yet!

I hope this has in a round about way, answered your question !

Will now have a well deserved glass of champagne!!!