I could not sleep last night and spent the night, 'solving problems�, 'thinking', 'making mental lists' of what I need to do, yet, this morning, I don't remember much of the 'solutions'.
I do remember one thought, (frightening whats going on in my head). I am writing this whilst sitting in the waiting room, surrounded by people who are having chemo. Strange seeing all these 'sick' people. There is s lady in reception just sobbing her heart out. I wonder what blow has just been delivered to her. ( no doubt in a 'friendly, direct, un-empathetic' bedside manner , I have previously had the pleasure of experiencing). My heart goes out to the poor woman. Her world has clearly just collapsed. I look at each one here waiting in waiting room and wonder what their story is...... I surprise myself as I notice that I don�t see myself as �one of them�. Maybe I am still after all these months in denial, but as far as I am concerned I am not ill, I no longer have cancer, I am here to suffer through 12 months� worth of Herceptin, that is all.
Back to my 'rather superficial , actually unimportant ' thoughts. Isnt it strange how when men lose their hair with age ( well it seems to happen more to men, dont you think? ) , they lose it on their head. Not their legs, chest, ears, neck and other areas. Why? Is the hair on our heads do much weaker or is there a medical scientific reason for this. When my hair started to fall out, my head ( hair on my head) was the last to fall out. Now, ( clearly we have some kind of positive development) if is growing back everywhere I dont want it and were I want it ( my huge bald head) , it seems to be the slowest. I know!!!, who cares? I just wondered.... this is what happens when I can�t sleep.
That shows how effective the CB oil is, even if taken only to sleep. I did not take any last night as I had to be up early for blood test and heart scan before the next Herceptin session now.
The oncologist is pushing me to have Herceptin for one year, and maybe I was dreaming, in my mind I had worked on 12 session on Herceptin every 3 weeks, would have meant 36 weeks of this, but according to the oncologist yesterday, he is talking about 17 sessions. I am not happy. When I asked again about exercise, he was clear in that the only exercise I should be doing is. �walking�. Give me a break!!! Walking!!! I have had 4 sessions now, which leaves another 13 sessions, 39 weeks! My muscles will shrivel up like prunes, I end up looking like �Madge� from �Benidorm.
The oncologist is pushing me to have Herceptin for one year, and maybe I was dreaming, in my mind I had worked on 12 session on Herceptin every 3 weeks, would have meant 36 weeks of this, but according to the oncologist yesterday, he is talking about 17 sessions. I am not happy. When I asked again about exercise, he was clear in that the only exercise I should be doing is. �walking�. Give me a break!!! Walking!!! I have had 4 sessions now, which leaves another 13 sessions, 39 weeks! My muscles will shrivel up like prunes, I end up looking like �Madge� from �Benidorm.
According to the oncologist, who spend some time studying my heart scan I have earlier today, my heart has slightly expanded, which is to be expected as it is one of the side effects of Herceptin. �Nothing to worry about� though at this stage. Well that�s all right then!
When I asked him to refer me for a PET scan following the diagnoses of the Budwig Centre, he refused and explained, that with the side effects of Herceptin and the radio active liquid I would have to swallow, the risk of heart failure is too great. The earliest I could have the PET scan would be 6 weeks after my final Herceptin session.
Am I the only one who can�t get her head around the fact, that �medication� can cause death!?
Robbie, I missed your singing today!!!
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