the hardest decision in life...............

I can�t imagine it! There is so much I want to write about.  I will  start with the �medical system� in Spain and UK.  I don�t want anyone thinking that I believe �the grass is greener on the other side�, i.e. the health care in the UK might be better than Spain, or Germany might be better than the UK �etc.

What I heard from a dear friend of mine who I have known here in Spain for 16 years, shocked me. He flew back home ( Liverpool) a couple of weeks ago and was taken ill  / collapsed on the plane. He was brought straight to hospital in Liverpool by ambulance and  was then left for 12 hours on a chair. The medical staff admitted later, that they had �forgotten�about him. He was too weak at the time to get up and look for someone and spent the night slumped in a chair in the corridor. Once they had the following day successfully admitted him and given him a  room / bed ( shared with one other person), he told me that he had used the bedpan, which was given to him. When his �neighbour� in the bed next to him needed to �go�, who was also too weak to get out of bed, they both called for a nurse to bring another bed pan, but nobody came. The called for some time and in the end as the other man was desperate, my friend shared his ( half full bed pan) with his neighbour. Whilst the story of how he managed to get it over to this neighbour without spilling the content and his neighbour  then filling it up to the brim , trying to put it down afterwards, was quite funny as he told the story, it actually is pretty shocking ! His words : ' I had seen conditions like this on TV, but did not believe that this actually happens. The corridors were full of people brought in by ambulances, waiting for rooms they did not have. It looked like a war zone.' 

Closer to home here in Spain, I went to the hospital yesterday for the scheduled blood tests, heart scan ( to see if Herceptin has damaged my heart yet, as it is one of the side effects), scan under my arm to check if the lump has grown and if it had, a biopsy. All went well with the blood test and the heart scan. When I turned up for the scan under my arm  I was told that I had to wait for 2 hours, as they had made a mistake with the appointment. Needless to say I did not accept that and ended up having it after an hour of waiting. It was confirmed that the lump has grown and is now 3 cm long. They suggested a biopsy, but could not carry it out yesterday, as the doctor was not there. Classic, I therefore know no more today, then I did a couple of days ago.

Tomorrow is my Herceptin day ( again sadly) and the biopsy is now scheduled for 11.00am before I go over to the other hospital. I could think of plenty of other things to be doing then that, but think that as it has grown, I should find out what the hell this is. Who knows how much further it is likely to grow.

I want it gone! Well firstly I need to find out what is causing it and if it is dangerous. I still don�t believe that it could be a cancerous lump, but we will see. I hope it is not cancerous, as the biopsy is likely to spread it, particularly as it is in my lymph glands.

But, hey, how lucky am I. I have nothing to complain about really.  My cancer was apparently cut out, my hair has started to move in the wind. ( what a wonderful feeling) and no doubt I will find out what this lump is all about and will then deal with it. How I don�t know yet, but let�s see what it is first.

This brings me to what must be a parent�s road to hell, the hardest decision in life.

Jan, who I have been writing about in the past, whose son has bone marrow cancer.  For the last 10 months he has been having chemotherapy, two tumors were removed and everyone was positive that this awful ordeal was nearing the end. The last chemo session was in sight and the family was even thinking of a well-deserved family holiday. Last week, he had a PET scan to check that all was ok. Well it was far from it. The oncologists confirmed that he had metastasis and that the cancer has spread to 9 different parts of the body.  A complete shock! Totally unexpected! The doctors were scratching their heads and told Jan that they needed to pass this case to Barcelona where a meeting would be held to discuss further chemo.

As a parent, what do you do? 10 months of chemo seemed to have made it worse. Two tumors ( now removed) turned into 9 other parts of the body. Clearly chemo has not managed to kill the cancer, but has turned Jan�s son into a weak, cancer patient with a low immune system.

After much deliberation, Jan and his wife have decided to take matters into their own hands. They are not continuing with chemo.

Jan is back on a high dosage of cannabis oil, much higher than I can tolerate, the Budwig diet, Oxygen therapy and many other alternatives, including raw fruit and vegetable smoothies ( I can only recommend that everyone has a �Nutribullet� in their kitchen). It literally takes 1 minute to make the most amazing healthy smoothies.

A difficult, impossible decision really to make on behalf of your child. My heart goes out to the family, but I am confident that they will do whatever it takes to kill the cancer, the natural way, as clearly the �official / medical � method has failed.