Saturday, 8 April 2017

Waiting game..............

A strange week. It was so lovely to have all kids together for a few days. So much to talk about and to catch up on. Tuesday was our �joint hospital day� for Aiy�la and myself. Great news for Aiy�la, she no longer needs her morning injections and finally Dan and Kyla can start a �normal� new family life. The little girl is putting on weight and is simply a dream baby to have.

On Tuesday I had my pre op. Expecting the usual chaos and prepared to wait for hours... I was met by Daphne ( a translator for foreigners). I did not expect this, as for the last 11 months I have been navigating myself quite successfully through the different corridors and floors of hospital Parque St Antonio. What a pleasant unexpected surprise. She took me up to the third floor, helped to register me and I proceeded to have yet another blood test and ECG. From there she took me down for a chest x-ray ( where I have been many times before) and then back up to meet the anesthetist. So helpful, so friendly..... as they said good bye, I even had a friendly encouraging squeeze of my arm. Why is everyone suddenly so friendly? I can�t help but think, ' do they know something I don�t'? ' Do they think I am dying? This is the first time since coming into contact with any medical staff here, I felt that people cared.

I can see how ' on the edge I am', as gestures of kindness reduce me to tears. Out of all the days, think I could have handled the accustomed abrupt style better. I am not used to medical staff being 'nice'.
But rather then over analysing it, it was a welcome surprise.
Now this is behind me, the waiting game until the 17 April continues. I managed to have the operation moved forward by two days.

In the meantime I am increasing my CB doses on a daily basis, in order to get to re recommended Rick Simpson level of 1 ml. I have achieved it, but it does reduce my �thinking time� per day to  a few hours during the afternoon. I am not driving at the moment, which is a good thing.

I have also spent more time researching and trying to find out more information. An old friend of mine ( not in age, but years we have known each other J), who also had breast cancer, ( worse than me) which resulted in a double mastectomy, recommend a couple of hospitals in Cambridge. I have contacted them, to see if there was any chance of me flying over to see them and having the operation in Cambridge. Unfortunately they are fully booked and I would have to wait 3-4 weeks. This is something I can�t tolerate. It is torture feeling the tumor under my arm every day, wondering if it has �burst� and started to travel through my body. I simply have to get it out as soon as possible.
I have been asking the doctors in Cambridge what they know about �sealing the lymph nodes�, which I am told by my second surgeon Dr Scholz, is something she recommends and tends to do on operations like mine. The theory of it makes sense, but other than reading up on it on various websites, I don�t know anyone who has had this done.  Apparently it reduces the risk of Lymphedema.

Another friend of mine, has told me that there is a new type of test I could get done, in order to work out the exact type of cancer I have and the probability of it spreading as well as understanding the statistics with Chemo regarding the different types of cancer.






Friday, 31 March 2017

The ups and downs and downs and up.........


Badajoz, ( near the Portuguese boarder) not a place I would chose to go to, I guess most people drive through it, but right now, the best place in the world, as far as I am concerned.
It took just over 4 hours to drive there and we made it just in time for the appointment.  Dr Pradaza filled me with much needed confidence. https://www.facebook.com/DoctorPedraza/http://canamo.net/expertos/dr-javier-pedraza https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eTgcu_J6Co

He used to be / is a �normal medical� doctor, who �moved on the other side / opted out�. I can�t think of a better way to describe it.

He is now a licensed �Cannabis� doctor. I wrote about this months ago, last July / August some time. Jan actually met him, as a result of a contact I had in Madrid University. Professor Guzman.  


He is funded by the Spanish government doing research on Cannabis. All trials are carried out on rats and the success rate is simply amazing. I figured it�s good enough for a rat, it will be good enough for me. Something along those lines.

Professor Guzman recommended Dr Parazo to Jan and Jan of course to me. He met him with his son  a couple of days before me.

Going back to the meeting. Unlike any other doctor I have met since being diagnosed with cancer, who appear to simply think about how much they could possibly charge,  he spent over two hours with myself and Geoff and asked me  many questions, ( my  medical history of course, but also life style etc), for what seemed to be �pocket money�. He proceeded to explain how the association works and I have become a member. This means that I am legally permitted to use ( administer, smoke, vaporize) Cannabis. Whilst I know that the majority of people reading this, might wonder if I have lost the plot, but  for me as I see it, it is the only hope. I bought the oil I need to for my cancer cells to commit �suicide� and have started on a low doses for the next couple of days. I have some important decisions to make in the business and the way forward, which we are currently in the middle of organizing. Until this has been done, I can�t embark on this �harsh� / strong treatment, as it will literally knock me out for 60 days.

We had planned on staying over night in Badajoz, but having seen it, decided to get out as quickly as we could. ( a challenge in itself with the non existing sign posting in Spain). We managed to find a beautiful Parador and dined like kings, as if it was out last meal together. Relief washed over us.




What is interesting to notice is that although the cancer is growing inside me by the day ( I can feel the dam think) , and the operation was initially  scheduled for 3 April, when I informed my Oncologist he strongly recommended that I wait 3 weeks. Why? Because the Herceptin apparently has weakened my defenses too much, for my body to withstand an operation. What can I say! The operation is now scheduled for the 19 April.  Actually everything I have been thinking about Herceptin, has just been confirmed. What on earth is it doing to my body?  I feel I am running a race I might lose. The cancer is growing ( how and when will it spread?), yet I can�t have it cut out right now. I just hope that I can increase the level of cannabis oil quickly in order to get to the �treatment stage�. One drop knocked me out last August, I need to get to around 20 drops. Right now, I can handle 4.  I will not be able to drive whilst taking it, and am best kept away from my computer when it comes to dealing with business. God knows what unbalanced decisions I might make, that is if I can focus on the letters in front of me.

What was so encouraging learn, is the story of Callie Blackwell, who treated her dying son with Cannabis oil. Both her and her  (now fully recovered) son Deryn were interviewed on breakfast TV in the UK last week. She did it, I can do it.

So for the next few days, I will try to ignore the growing enemy under my arm as much as I can and enjoy the fact that I have all three children here for moral support. We are planning a '4 generation' photo next week, as we don't get together that often and now that little Aiy�la has joined the family, we will capture the moment. I noticed last week, when I thought it was potentially all over, that  4 generations don't often happen and we have to capture this whilst we can. 


Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Need to sleep on it..................

Geoff always says, dont do anything if you are not balanced, sleep on it. Whilst no doubt he is 100% correct, sleeping right now is off the agenda.
I am struggling to contain  myself. I am full of anger, and even that is putting it politely.

Putting it into a nutshell, Dr Molino my surgeon last year, did not cut everything out.  I had cancer in one of my lymph nodes. Since last June the cancer under my arm has been growing.  Dr Heymans confirmed it was an infection. One hell of an infection if you ask me.
I have had blood test, checking for tumor activity throughout  the year, all of which came back clear. I had scans, all of which were clear. I had Herceptin, which one could argue contained the cancer or in my book might have made it worse.

I have today found out that the cancer under my arm is contained ( I guess a reason to celebrate) It has not spread. ( Unfortunately I dont feel so  happy right now). I have found out that I have something on my liver, my lung and my other breast, but it is believed not to be cancerous. Is that good news? I guess I should see it as that. I have been advised to keep an eye on it. Roger that!

A couple of days ago, I was expecting the worst. I was expecting to hear that the cancer had riddled my body, which it by todays report it has not. My challenge is believing anything that any doctor now says to me.
A couple of days ago, I was looking through my wardrobe, ready to start throwing out, as I might not wear it or need it again. So surely, todays news is a reason to celebrate? To celebrate that I have onlycancer in my lymph node.  Well, I am not celebrating. Does that make me ungrateful? I could be in the same position as Jans on, riddled with it. Why am I then feeling resentment, anger, fury, frustration?

I have basically wasted and lost one year of my life ( so far).  Since June 2016 I have been doing whatever was in my power to ensure that I was getting well again, under the false believe, that I was cancer free. When really I was not! I have lived under the illusion that all was going well, it was only an infection and all other tests, scans etc were positive. Well that was not the case. I was living in a dream world.

Tomorrow I am driving to the Portuguese boarder to meet another doctor, who actually comes highly recommended. I am looking forward to meeting him.
Todays surgeon, wants me to have the operation next Monday. ( the cynic in me thinks, of course she is pushing for an operation, she will earn 5000. Surely a surgeon who is paid to cut out, will always push to cut) But, I am not keen on knowing that I will end up with Lymphedema for the rest of my life, if I agree to the operation.

I will know more, or should I say will have heard another opinion by tomorrow night, after that I will decide what to do.  Geoff is rightly telling me to let it go, but I cant help thinking that Dr Molino should have known, could have known and is likely to do it again with other desperate cancer patients���
No doubt he sleeps well at night.





Monday, 27 March 2017

Nerves of steel..........

.���..is what I need, is what my family need right now.

In true Spanish style the results / report was emailed to me 1 hour ago. Against Geoff�s advice, I tried to read it. I would add that my Spanish on a day to day, working basis is just fine, but when it comes to reading a report from a CT scan, that is another issue on another level. ( Laura Cooper! This has become one of my favourite expressions and so appropriate right now!) Let's face it, we are actually talking life or death here, therefore it is critical that I actually know and understand what the report is saying. 

So,  ( Never start a sentence with 'so', but hey, right now, who cares) I  typed every word into �google translate�, with the end of result of understanding only a small part. Cancer under my arm is confirmed. My liver is clear, (this actually comes as a huge surprise, as those who know me, will know that my life pre cancer, was focused around good food, great wine and ice cold G&Ts in the summer), it appears I have something on the other breast now and lung if I understand it correctly. ( I never smoked, other then in my teens for 6 months).

My mother has managed just now, to made an appointment with her doctor tomorrow morning and will bring my report to him, in order to get his view.
In the meantime I will try to find a doctor in the �scan centre�, to see if he / she can explain what the report means. ( now I wish I had learned Latin, although not sure that would help, as many of the words once translated come out the same������.. )
I will see the surgeon, who I emailed over the weekend, so see if she can explain the report as well.

My main concern is,  if the cancer is only under my arm, then I will have it cut out. If, however, I have cancer in other parts of my body, i.e. if it has spread, then  I will not agree to an operation, as it will weaken my body further.

I will then shut myself off for some time and treat myself. I can�t wait to ask my oncologist in 3 weeks, what he believes Herceptin should have / might have achieved. All I know after all this time, I have Cancer again!!!!

I am on a warpath, which is better than self pity I guess. It is so easy to fall down this dark black hole of self pity. Driving home earlier, the radio played some songs which I knew back in the 80th, remembering the great times I have had with Geoff, is enough to turn me into a sobbing wreck.
I have to and will get out of this hole and grab this challenge with both hands and fight the fucker! ( no apologies for swearing at this stage!). Bastard thing!

Thank you also for the hundreds of messages I am receiving. I am sorry if I am not replying to each one, ( usually I just send a x -kiss- back) it is not that I dont want to reply, but I dont know how to reply, without crying and I figure I have done enough of that for now. When did I turn into such a pathetic weak whimp?! Christ! I am now going into the garden, and will smell the rosesliterally, as Geoff always says. I have missed many years of smelling the roses, all because I was a workaholic.   
That will change, once I am back on top!



I didn't see this coming................



On Friday morning the pathologist called me, which I was expecting. However, I did not expect to hear ' it's bad news. It�s cancer' ....
She then proceeded to send me the report, which states ' cancer in lymph gland on left, following breast cancer on left' .

The first thing I did, was to call Geoff, who came home immediately. After that I called  the 'scan centre' in Malaga. ( I am sure there is a better description for that place, but who cares). I booked myself a CT scan (again not sure if that is the scan I need, but it�s a start) 
Even though I am against toxic scans, I thought �now is the time� to do it. I need to find out if it has spread, which right now I have a feeling it has. Lymph glands tend to be a kind of gateway for things like this.
I called Dr Heymans surgery to ask him for a recommendation for a surgeon, but I was asked to come in and see the doctor, which I can understand. My appointment with him was awful. No empathy, no compassion, not an expression, he just explained what a CT scan was, ( which I had already booked myself by that time) . When he read through  my file, he confirmed that he last scanned under my left arm in June 2016 where he told me that I had an infection following the operation. Geoff and I left, both feeling even lower, and wondering what the last 5 minutes had been all about. ( this is how long the appointment lasted) Whilst at this stage money really is not important, but the appointment cost us �10 per minute.

I called our kids in the UK and tried to explain what happened, that after having thought that I was �fine� ( which had been confirmed by blood tests and previous scans), I actually wasn�t.  I then called my parents and we all met at Kyla and Dan�s home. I wanted to discuss the ifs and buts with my family and hopefully have their support. I am blessed with the most amazing family, who do just that.
After our family meeting Geoff and I headed into Malaga to for the CT scan. Whilst many probably don�t understand my fear of �toxic� scans, I knew that I needed to have it. After being handed two large glasses of some kind of toxic water concoction, I was then called into the room where the scanning machine was. A friendly nurse, in fact I did not expect it, a lovely  nurse, explained that I was going to have a drip on my arm, where they would inject ( in my words) the toxic liquid, whilst lying down and being moved back and forth underneath the scanner. The entire thing lasted 5 minutes, after which I got dressed, paid and picked up a disc, whilst being told that the results would be ready to pick up on Tuesday. In two days, that was two days ago.


Back home, I made the big mistake of inserting the disc in my lap top to have a look. I was aware that I had no idea what I was looking at, but figured that I had nothing to lose and might as well try. Waiting 4 days to find out if my body is riddled with cancer or not, is tough. I feel like waiting for your execution. I now wish I had not inserted the CD. My logic was that as I knew I had cancer under my arm, then I just needed to lock for the same �sign� in the rest of the body. Well, where my cancer is located, I saw a black spot, and then lots and lots more around my stomach area. I wish I had not looked at the CD now. Am I right or am I wrong? I won�t know until Tuesday.
The last 48 hours feel like 48 years. I have been racking my brain, Why? Why me? Why now? How bad is it? How long has this been growing in me for?  I have done a lot of thinking, looking back over the last year, talking, crying and more crying.
 Not sure how I feel really. Numb? Mightily pissed off? Angry? Worried?  Very worried?  ...... not sure,  I can't analyse my feelings at the moment.  Actually I am just so upset.


Last June when I had the breast operation, I was told that everything was removed successfully.  Two weeks after the operation I had an infection on the same side as my operation under my arm, both Dr Heymans and my surgeon Dr Molino at the time confirmed that it was an infection which would disappear by itself. For weeks after that under my arm hurt and was numb. I first touched that area in October last year, after I had some feeling back. I could feel a lump, but figured that it was from the infection.  The rest I have already written about. But yesterday something dawned on me, the scan under my arm in February revealed that it was 2.7cm and 4 weeks later 3 cm. Therefore if it has grown 3 mm in 1 month, if this is the average, then it started growing 10 months ago, June 2016.
Is this a strange coincidence? Did this cancer start growing last June, where my Lymph nodes infected (even though I was told there weren�t) ? Was I treating myself as a �recovering cancer patient� instead of a �cancer patient�? Believe me there is a big difference from where I am sitting right now. In addition, what about Herceptin, which I have been having since last August? Has this all been a waste of time? The cancer was there all along?
I have so many questions and doubt I will get the answers. I have had heart and liver scans, all were fine...........so how can this be. Is this a f...up ( polite words fail me right now) from the beginning. Did the surgeon miss half the cancer. What are the chances of cancer growing in the same area where I had the 'infection' , at 3mm per month over 10 months and here I am today?
Today, yesterday, Friday , my world, the world of our family has fallen apart..................
I need to get a grip!

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Whimp............

That is how I felt about myself today. 

The place where the biopsy was carried out, felt like a busy market place or school play ground. Finding it was one thing, no parking anywhere and I walked for what felt like a very long time (only 20 min) to find it. On entering I was taken back by the noise of the 50 or more-people waiting in the entrance hall. It felt chaotic. A small reception, wide enough for one person to be served, which was used by three to four people at a time. People filling in their medical questionnaires, people paying their bills, others making appointments and me, trying to make myself seen and heard (something I normally don�t have a problem with).
Even after all these years of living here, I still struggle to understand the Spanish mentality. Everyone talks to everyone, asking each other about their aches and pains and giving each other advise. Normally I would find it entertaining, today, I wound me up.

When my name was eventually called ( it felt like a life time, but was actually no more than 15 min), I was sent down into the basement and was met by a friendly lady, who introduced herself as the pathologist.
I had to lie down on my side, and felt the first needle which was meant to be a local anaesthetic, but what I was not prepared for was the horrendous paid when the long needle was �stabbed� into my armpit, twice. So much for the anaesthetic working.
It hurt that much, I was in tears and told the pathologist to stop. No more! I don�t know if she had planned to have a third go or not, but I was not going to let that happen. I did not expect this to hurt that much.
The biopsy I had nearly a year ago in my breast, was nothing compared to this pain. Once I was dressed again, I am not proud to say, that I headed for the nearest toilet and burst into tears again.  Pain, frustration, anger, fear all together in one big sob / sobs. After a view minutes, I gave myself a mental �kick up the backside�, put on my lipstick (don�t feel dressed without it), bearing in mind that my mascara was looking worse for wear.
Whatever was the matter with me. 10 months on, one breast operation, lymph node infection, chemotherapy, going bald as a coot / baby�s bum, countless Herceptin sessions, and today was the day, I broke down in tears.

I think I am just fed up, this unwelcome  egg sized lump under the arm, is / was not on my �obstacles I needed to overcome list�.  I am angry for feeling that I have �giving in� to a biopsy, something I wanted to avoid on all counts. But as it has grown, I know it was the sensible way to go���..
I left, with a sore arm, sore armpit and sore breast��.great, just in time for Herceptin, after which the other arm hurt, due to more �needle poking�. So here I am, with two sore arms and I can�t even have a glass of wine, instead I opened a packet of chocolate biscuits and am not feeling guilty about the �sod it� attitude I seem to have tonight.

Tomorrow will be another day, and on Friday, the day after tomorrow, I should know, if all this today was for nothing or if they find that I have cancer or god knows what. I am not thinking about it, until I know more. Back to work tomorrow !


I would add that it was a lovely surprise for Kyla to come up with baby Aiy�la, who really is just a dream baby. She never cries and is so content and a cuddle with her, made it all feel so much better!

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

the hardest decision in life...............

I cant imagine it! There is so much I want to write about.  I will  start with the medical system in Spain and UK.  I dont want anyone thinking that I believe the grass is greener on the other side, i.e. the health care in the UK might be better than Spain, or Germany might be better than the UK etc.

What I heard from a dear friend of mine who I have known here in Spain for 16 years, shocked me. He flew back home ( Liverpool) a couple of weeks ago and was taken ill  / collapsed on the plane. He was brought straight to hospital in Liverpool by ambulance and  was then left for 12 hours on a chair. The medical staff admitted later, that they had forgottenabout him. He was too weak at the time to get up and look for someone and spent the night slumped in a chair in the corridor. Once they had the following day successfully admitted him and given him a  room / bed ( shared with one other person), he told me that he had used the bedpan, which was given to him. When his neighbour in the bed next to him needed to go, who was also too weak to get out of bed, they both called for a nurse to bring another bed pan, but nobody came. The called for some time and in the end as the other man was desperate, my friend shared his ( half full bed pan) with his neighbour. Whilst the story of how he managed to get it over to this neighbour without spilling the content and his neighbour  then filling it up to the brim , trying to put it down afterwards, was quite funny as he told the story, it actually is pretty shocking ! His words : ' I had seen conditions like this on TV, but did not believe that this actually happens. The corridors were full of people brought in by ambulances, waiting for rooms they did not have. It looked like a war zone.' 

Closer to home here in Spain, I went to the hospital yesterday for the scheduled blood tests, heart scan ( to see if Herceptin has damaged my heart yet, as it is one of the side effects), scan under my arm to check if the lump has grown and if it had, a biopsy. All went well with the blood test and the heart scan. When I turned up for the scan under my arm  I was told that I had to wait for 2 hours, as they had made a mistake with the appointment. Needless to say I did not accept that and ended up having it after an hour of waiting. It was confirmed that the lump has grown and is now 3 cm long. They suggested a biopsy, but could not carry it out yesterday, as the doctor was not there. Classic, I therefore know no more today, then I did a couple of days ago.

Tomorrow is my Herceptin day ( again sadly) and the biopsy is now scheduled for 11.00am before I go over to the other hospital. I could think of plenty of other things to be doing then that, but think that as it has grown, I should find out what the hell this is. Who knows how much further it is likely to grow.
I want it gone! Well firstly I need to find out what is causing it and if it is dangerous. I still dont believe that it could be a cancerous lump, but we will see. I hope it is not cancerous, as the biopsy is likely to spread it, particularly as it is in my lymph glands.

But, hey, how lucky am I. I have nothing to complain about really.  My cancer was apparently cut out, my hair has started to move in the wind. ( what a wonderful feeling) and no doubt I will find out what this lump is all about and will then deal with it. How I dont know yet, but lets see what it is first.

This brings me to what must be a parents road to hell, the hardest decision in life.

Jan, who I have been writing about in the past, whose son has bone marrow cancer.  For the last 10 months he has been having chemotherapy, two tumors were removed and everyone was positive that this awful ordeal was nearing the end. The last chemo session was in sight and the family was even thinking of a well-deserved family holiday. Last week, he had a PET scan to check that all was ok. Well it was far from it. The oncologists confirmed that he had metastasis and that the cancer has spread to 9 different parts of the body.  A complete shock! Totally unexpected! The doctors were scratching their heads and told Jan that they needed to pass this case to Barcelona where a meeting would be held to discuss further chemo.

As a parent, what do you do? 10 months of chemo seemed to have made it worse. Two tumors ( now removed) turned into 9 other parts of the body. Clearly chemo has not managed to kill the cancer, but has turned Jans son into a weak, cancer patient with a low immune system.
After much deliberation, Jan and his wife have decided to take matters into their own hands. They are not continuing with chemo.
Jan is back on a high dosage of cannabis oil, much higher than I can tolerate, the Budwig diet, Oxygen therapy and many other alternatives, including raw fruit and vegetable smoothies ( I can only recommend that everyone has a Nutribullet in their kitchen). It literally takes 1 minute to make the most amazing healthy smoothies.

A difficult, impossible decision really to make on behalf of your child. My heart goes out to the family, but I am confident that they will do whatever it takes to kill the cancer, the natural way, as clearly the official / medical method has failed.




Saturday, 18 March 2017

so much info out there............. and most of it we know about........

Lindsay sent me some interesting reading. ( Thank you Linds), which resulted in me removing our microwave from the kitchen today.

We never used our microwave to cook, but thought it was handy to defrost or reheat something. Well no longer. https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/are-microwaves-safe/
Reading the article below is quite sobering, basically putting into my words, �Microwaves cause cardinogen / cancer�.  

Where would you be without your microwave oven? Aren�t they just a huge time-saver? You can cook a meal in seconds. Even frozen food can be defrosted and ready to eat in a matter of minutes.But have you ever wondered� are microwaves safe? Are there any dangers to using them? How could there be any dangers? If there were, the government would have taken microwave ovens off the market, right? These are the questions we�re going to explore in this article.
Microwave Ovens Use Microwaves � a Form of EMF
As the name suggests, �microwave ovens� use microwaves. These microwaves, which are a form of electromagnetic field (EMF) generated by a magnetron, vibrate at a speed of 2.4 billion times per second. This causes the water molecules in the food to resonate at very high frequencies and generate heat.
Conventional heating of food is a different, much more gentler process altogether. Heat is transferred by convection from the outside to the inside.Cooking with microwaves begins in the cells and molecules where water is present. This energy is transformed into frictional heat. These are called thermic effects. Added to this are athermic effects which are not currently measurable but are thought to deform the structures of molecules and have qualitative consequences.
Microwave Ovens Microwave Your Home
Few people realize that when you use a microwave oven, the microwaves do not stay within the confines of the oven.
Microwave ovens have to meet safety standards set by the FDA. These standards �limit the amount of microwaves that can leak from an oven throughout its lifetime to 5 milliwatts (mW) of microwave radiation per square centimeter at approximately 2 inches from the oven surface.� This might sound quite rigorous, but it�s not.
My tests with an EMF meter show that even brand new microwave ovens emit significant levels of microwave energy, otherwise known as radio frequency radiation.
What this means is that when you switch your microwave oven on these EMFs permeate into your home� traveling through walls, ceilings, and you. These EMFs, though being in the non-ionizing range of the EMF spectrum, are not negligible.
In May 2011 the World Health Organization officially classified this type of EMF exposure as a class 2B possible carcinogen.
Added to this, a microwave ovens� cables and motor also give off high magnetic fields, often over 10 milligauss. Exposures of just 4 milligauss have been firmly linked to leukemia. Not surprisingly these magnetic fields have also been categorized as carcinogenic.
Over 70 Years of German and Russian Research Point to Microwave Dangers
Twenty years of Russian research, and German studies dating back to 1942 in Berlin, make a strong case against the safety of microwave cooking.
The Nazis are thought to have invented the first microwave ovens to provide mobile food support to their troops during their invasion of the Soviet Union in World War II. After the war the United States War Department was given the task of researching the safety of microwave ovens. But it�s the Russians who are credited with having performed the most thorough research.
After the war the Russians set about researching the biological effects of microwave ovens. This led to microwave ovens being banned in Russia in 1976. The ban was later lifted during Perestroika to promote free trade with the west.
Their findings led the Russian government to issue an international warning about possible biological and environmental damage associated with the use of microwave ovens and other similar frequency electronic devices such as cell phones. (Note: Do cellphones cause cancer? Find out here.)
Are Microwaves Safe? What the Research Tells Us
The research on microwave ovens reveals the following�
         Microwaving prepared meats to ensure sanitary ingestion was found to provoke the formation of
d-Nitrosodienthanolamines, a well-known carcinogen.
         Microwaving milk and cereal grains was found to convert some of their amino acids into carcinogenic substances.
         Swiss clinical trials have found that microwaving food increases cholesterol levels. It was also found to decrease red and white blood cell counts while decreasing hemoglobin and producing radiolytic compounds.
         Thawing frozen fruits was found to convert their glucoside and galactoside containing fractions into carcinogens.
         Even very short exposure of raw, cooked, or frozen vegetables to microwaves was found to convert their plant alkaloids into carcinogens.
         Russian and Japanese studies have shown how food can lose nearly 60% to 90% of its food value when cooked or heated in a microwave oven. Significant portions of Vitamins B, C, E, and essential minerals have been found to be lost.
         Food cooked in a microwave oven with a little water can lose up to 97% of its beneficial antioxidants.
         Another issue with microwave ovens is that many people cook food in plastic and paper containers. Carcinogenic toxins can leach out of this packaging into your food. Studies have shown that chemicals such as polyethylene terpthalate (PET), benzene, toluene, and xylene can leach from the packaging of common microwavable foods such as pizzas, fries, and popcorn.






On another note, I could  not resist posting a photo of Aiylas 6 week Birthday. She has finally put on some weight, which has been a long time coming, up to 3.875 KG now. The saga with the hospital continues and having accompanied Kyla earlier this week, I can only describe it as a shambles.  Putting it in a nutshell, Aiyla still requires the thrombosis injections every morning at 07.00am. ( a challenge in itself, as she is usually asleep then following a 5 or 6 oclock in the morning feed) Every morning Kyla wakes her up with an injection in her leg. So here is the challenge we are experiencing. The hospital has prescribed the medicine / content of the injection, but not the injections themselves.
Where do we get them from ? a simple question , or so I thought. After receiving the now well accustomed shoulder shrug  ( which in different situations can be translated into , no idea, I dont know and I dont care, I am not interested, not my aisle, to why are you asking me? The latter I heard the nurse say last week. Lovely touch. We explained that we were asking her, as she had prescribed the medicine and maybe she could supply us with the actual needles/ syringes. Clearly a silly question. Her answer was the following: I have no idea. Go to a pharmacy with an old syringe, show it to them, ask them for the reference and then come back to the hospital. Then I will look in our system if we have them. What can I say.  Off we went to the nearest pharmacy to ask that question, to which we were met with a yes we have them, no you cant have them, you need a prescription. Well we know that, but the hospital cant prescribe them until you tell us the reference number, which we need to bring back to the hospital, so that they can prescribe them to us. Cutting a very long story short, after 6 hours ( from the blood test to finally leaving hospital and going to the pharmacy), we asked if we could just buy them, so which the pharmacist said yes, 1.90 please for 10.  Yes, we did just buy the dam syringes!!





Tuesday, 14 March 2017

And we move on.........

Aiy�la is blooming and doing well. Kyla still has to give her an injection against her thrombosis every morning.

I have been working every day, which has given me very little time to think about myself. Maybe that is a good thing right now. Whilst I am waiting for my scan ( scheduled for next week) my thoughts and feelings have varied. 
Am I na�ve and stupid for not wanting a biopsy? What if it is cancer? What would I do then? Have Chemo and everything that goes with it? What if it is an infection? Do nothing? Hope it will just go away?

I have been researching a little and then decided to stop and wait until after the scan.
Strangely my symptoms are the same as Menopause or Lymphoma. The two are obviously very different, yet the sypmtoms almost identical.
If it wasn�t such a serious issue, it is almost laughable ������..

I think I have decided to have a biopsy if the lump has increased in size. If it the same size or smaller, I won�t. I am doing lymph drainage every day and Geoff helps me massage it, as apprently if it is as a result of the infection I had last July following my operaton, then gentle massage, might help disolve it.



Let�s see what next Monday brings.

Thursday, 2 March 2017

A glimmer of good news..........


..........In fact, I should say, 'great news'. Baby Aiy�la was back in hospital again yesterday, after they acknowledged that indeed she did not look like a 'Mohammed' and that they had issued the incorrect paperwork, but the best news is that her heart is fine. This was confirmed after another heart scan yesterday. We can't ask for better then that.

Kyla my strong daughter, I am so proud of, entered another tiring debate with the awful nurses in the hospital, as they yesterday finally  pulled out some 'baby injections/ syringes', this means with a tiny needle. The last three weeks, Kyla had been given normal syringes and asked to inject Aiy�la every morning, which caused all three, Dan, Kyla and baby great distress. I would not have the nerve to inject an new born with a long needle. She was supplied with 8  baby needles only and when Kyla asked what she was supposed to do after that, ( she is meant to carry on with the injections for 12 weeks) she was met the now accustomed shrug of the shoulder.  No doubt we will revisit this conversation next week.

We are so relieved. I managed to smile again yesterday, even though my Herceptin was not too successful. My veins are giving in. After numerous  unsuccessful attempts on various points on my arm, they settled for my hand. But even there, they had some problems, every few minutes the machine bleeped, as the liquid was not going in how and where it should be. They ended up adjusting the angle of the needle a few times and supporting it with sticky tape. Yes it hurt like hell. Thankfully this ordeal only lasted an hour.

My oncologist is still putting pressure on me to have a biopsy. I don't understand where he is coming from. When I asked him if he thought it was a cancerous lump, he said 'no'. He thought it is an infection. I asked him what would be done if it was an infection, to which he said 'nothing'. So why insist on a biopsy then?? I have agreed to having another scan to see if it has grown or not.

In the meantime I continue to search for 'the cure' and am coming across so much information regarding nutrition. I had no idea that celery ( other then being low on calories) could be that good for you. Sad, I know, I rushed out yesterday and bought heaps! My smoothies are taking on an interesting colour with all the different fruit, veg, spices, nuts etc I am adding. 







Tuesday, 28 February 2017

This nightmare continues........

This morning I was delighted to receive the letter of apology from Galvez Hospital, where they admit that they had not checked baby Aiy�la as per their own protocol. At the time of reading the letter, I actually thought that life might be taking on some kind of normality.

Clearly I was wrong.

Earlier this week, I went to the local health centre to register the baby so she could be seen by a pediatrician. Unfortunately we failed, as we noticed that the children's hospital in Malaga, sent Kyla and the baby home with the wrong patients details. Our medical form with all the medical history was for a child called 'Mohammed'. With all the paperwork ( and anyone having any kind of experience with any authorities in this country, will understand when I say ' with the huge amount of paperwork' Kyla and Dan received, they did not notice that they were given the wrong paperwork.

This meant that the local health centre would not / 'could not' register Aiy�la and therefore no pediatrician would see her. Kyla had an appointment to see the doctor in the Malaga hospital tomorrow for a heart and leg scan as well as blood test. That was the plan.

But, this morning Kyla noticed that the leg with the Thrombosis was swollen and red. Kyla has been giving Aiy�la daily injections in her leg. ( I take my hat off to her, I am not sure I could do it, but as there are no health visitors or any other nursing support here, parents have to do it) We really thought the injections were helping, but then why is the leg swelling up suddenly. They took the baby back into Malaga hospital and are waiting to see a pediatrician who will also hopefully carry out a leg scan.

I just want this lovely beautiful baby girl to be alright. We all do. I can't remember being more stressed then I am right now. Watching the suffering and not being able to do anything about it, is so awful.

I am due to have Herceptin again tomorrow ( if my veins are ok), but actually just want to be with Kyla, Dan and the baby.

Someone please give us a break! Enough is enough!

Friday, 24 February 2017

So sad.........

I want to dedicate this page to Dolly, who I wrote about last summer. A courageous, brave,  fun loving young girl has lost her life to cancer a few days ago.
Dolly was first diagnosed  with junior Sarcoma in her right elbow at the age of 6 years old. She went through chemo three times between the ages of 6-17 years. She suffered through 14 operations to try and save her arm, but eventually had it amputated a couple of years ago, when chemo did not help. By the time she was 19 years old,  after a routine scan she was told that she had Metastasis in her lungs. The doctors advised her to have a fourth chemo session. They told her that the chemo should kill her before the cancer would, but it was the only thing they could offer and that there was no cure. They informed her that if she did not have chemo she would only live another couple of months. Dolly started her fourth chemo round, but she got so sick, lost weight, all her hair and decided not to continue. After nearly  14 years of on and off of Chemo, which had not helped and being told that nobody could help her cure the cancer or prolong her life, she turned her back on conventional medicine.
This is when Dolly decided to try Cannabis oil instead.  For the last 18 months, she lived a happy life and even though she only had one arm, she made the most of her borrowed time.  During the time she took Cannabis oil, she was pain free and as care free as she had ever been.
Even though she lived nearly a year and half longer than the doctors predicted, she started the Cannabis oil too late, it prolonged her life, but did not save her life.
A tragic end, the last 4 weeks, she suffered terribly, she struggled to breathe and was in terrible pain. The last 2 weeks, she said that every time she fell asleep, a man was trying to take her away and she did not want to go. A brave little fighter until the end.


But, her name will live on. The Calvia Lions in Mallorca, where she lived, are going to start 'The Dolly Sanchez Cancer Fund', which will be a permanent fund to help finance 'poor' people with cancer to buy things like decent wigs, semi-permanent eyebrows etc.  Dolly would have been so happy to know that in her name, help will hopefully be offered to other youngsters suffering from cancer.




Saturday, 18 February 2017

Home..........sweet home..............

Yesterday afternoon we all went home!  After a heart scan and a scan in the leg , where they confirmed that Aiy�la has Thrombosis as a result of the operation, it was agreed that Aiy�la could be released, as long as they could check her again on Monday morning.  
Hearing this, felt like heaven!



The last two weeks, we feel we have all held our breath, life simply stopped and everything we did, every thought we had, was just focused on this tiny little baby in hospital, as well as her mum and dad.

She is home and hopefully life will take on some kind of normality again.

I would like to thank the many many friends and family who have supported us in their different ways over the last few weeks. I know from friends, that people we have never met, were praying for us (and whilst I myself am not a �believer, I can�t help but feel, some �magic� / �miracle� has happened), researching and sending us information, constantly supporting and contacting us.  I am so grateful for the support during what seems like our darkest hours.  My cancer journey seems nothing compared to what this little girl and Kyla and Dan have been through.

The last two weeks, I have to admit, I had no time or interest to think about myself or my progress. I simply functioned, and living in Malaga for this time, we did eat out a lot. This meant I ate �normally� again, as I have prior to me being diagnosed with cancer.  I struggled with this. The food around us, so often is not pure and healthy and the long term effects can�t be positive on our bodies.
I had scrambled egg ( not as lovely as the eggs my chickens produce J), but nevertheless I figured I could not go wrong with that. I did go wrong, the cook had added sugar to it.  Maybe in the past I would not have noticed, but not having had sugar in 9 months, I can now identify it quite easily. Why? Why would anyone add sugar or was it sweeteners?

This got me researching again. I spent nearly 30 years using �Canderel� sweeteners in my tea and coffees. Probably 4 little pills per day. I always had a �sweet tooth�. One of the components in Canderel is Aspartame. Until I started looking into this, I have never heard of it.  

Aspartame causes cancer!

This Is Your Brain on Aspartame
If the prospect of cancer is not enough to deter you from drinking diet soda or consuming processed foods sweetened with artificial sweeteners, consider the effect that aspartame has on your neurons and your cognitive function. In a study published in Redox Biology, researchers found aspartame may essentially program your brain cells to die.40
These biochemical and mitochondrial changes alter the functional activity in your brain, resulting in altered neuron function and neurodegeneration. The researchers theorized the results were from the effects of methanol molecule or the metabolite, formaldehyde or formate. This study also demonstrated that long-term use of FDA approved levels of aspartame distort your brain function.41
Another compound found in aspartame, phenylalanine, is delivered in excessive amounts and depletes your brain of serotonin, possibly one of the factors responsible for the increased number of people suffering from depression who regularly eat foods sweetened with aspartame.
A study planned by Case Western researchers was designed to evaluate the effects of aspartame on the mental health of their participants.42
However, this study was halted early by the Institutional Review Board citing safety reasons and severity of reaction to individuals who suffered from depression when exposed to aspartame. Reports of neurological and behavioral disturbances after ingestion of aspartame include an increase in headaches, migraine headaches,43,44,45,46 insomnia and seizures.47
Another study demonstrated that a high-aspartame diet resulted in more headaches, irritable mood, depression and poor performance on spatial orientation tests.48 A large concern is that the �high-aspartame diet� consisted of half the amount of aspartame the FDA considers safe for daily ingestion.


By Dr. Mercola
Artificial sweeteners such as aspartame are typically used to sweeten so-called "diet" foods and beverages in lieu of sugar or high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS). The idea is that reducing your calorie consumption will result in weight loss.
However, research has completely demolished this notion, showing that artificial sweeteners actually have the converse effect; they actually lower appetite suppressant chemicals and encourage sugar cravings and sugar dependence, thereby raising your odds of unwanted weight gain.1,2
Research has repeatedly shown that artificial sweeteners promote insulin resistance and related health problems just like regular sugar does, including3,4,5 cardiovascular disease, stroke6,7 and Alzheimer's disease.
While poor diet is a major driver of Alzheimer's in general (the primary culprits being sugar/fructose and grains, especially gluten), the key mechanism of harm here appears to be methanol toxicity � a much-ignored problem associated with aspartame in particular.
In a previous interview, toxicology expert Woodrow Monte, Ph.D., (author of the book "While Science Sleeps: A Sweetener Kills"8) explains the links between aspartame and methanol toxicity and the formation of toxic formaldehyde.


Wednesday, 15 February 2017

A small result......

I met with the head of the department in Galvez Hopsital today.  A lovely lady called Angela Leon.

After asking her to explain their protocol when a baby is born, we soon established that the hospital did not follow their own protocol. According to Angela, the pediatrician should have checked the baby the morning she was born, which did not happen.
I remember and also told Angela this, that the pediatrician in the dreaded night ( when we weighted for 4 hours for the ambulance arrived) had told Kyla that she had emergencies to deal with that day.

I personally fail to see how this could be an acceptable answer, when Kyla's and Dan's baby needed an urgent heart operation the day she is born, how this is not classified an emergency.
I also addressed the behaviour and actions of the rude nurse, who told Kyla that she was 'starving the baby'.


To cut a long story ( meeting ) short, Angela Leon, apologised officially and admitted that they made a mistake and that they acted inappropriately. I have asked for a written apology to be sent to Kyla. She is the one who suffered most as a result of the pediatrician who could not be bothered to check the baby and the rude nurse, and the wasted hours of worrying in hospital about the fact that the baby would not wake up and did not feed, not to mention the traumatic 4 hours when we had to wait for the ambulance to arrive, whilst we are not allowed to see the baby.

I have to admit that after my  meeting with Angela Leon, I did reflect on the difference between Spain and the UK. The approach today was almost naive and sweet. At no point did Angela consider that by putting the hospitals apology and admission of their oversight in writing, that some people might use this document. I have no intention of doing anything with the apology, other than to give it to Kyla and to move on, but could not help thinking that if this had happened in the UK, I doubt that anyone would have been prepared to admit their mistakes in writing for fear of it being used against them.
I was happy with the result of my meeting, because it is important to me that Kyla does not blame herself for a second. It is so easy to blame yourself, even I have blamed myself. Why did I not spot it? I gave birth to three children myself, surely I should have noticed that something was wrong?