...........think not............ maybe

I met a lovely Radiologist yesterday, who was ready for me to start immediately. Once I presented her with my 10 questions, I soon realized that I was back on the �Protocol� road. 

Initially, after my operation I was told that I needed 8 sessions of Chemo, 12 month of Herceptin followed by 4 weeks of Radiology.

I had one Chemo session and so far the first Herceptin session, so why is it �strongly recommended� that I start with Radiotherapy NOW. In fact if I wait another two weeks, then it is � likely to not be very effective�.

When I asked why NOW, I was told because I only had one Chemo session.

But, I ask, if they have never had a patient �opt out� like me, how do they know the effect and difference between starting Radiotherapy now versus when I have finished Herceptin? The answer was clear, they �don�t know, but are following Protocol�.

The Radiotherapy is meant to target my cancer cells and kills them.

But, if we don�t know if I have cancer cells, then how do we know where to point the beams to? Anywhere around my chest area? Where the tumor was? Do potential cancer cells stay in the same place, so if there were some around the tumor area, ( with the tumor now removed) would they have stayed in the same area? How do we know that they might not have moved onto the second breast or down to my toes? Yet, it is being suggested that only the breast where the tumor was, is scheduled to receive radiotherapy?

My questions were not really answered. I felt like this lovely lady, the radiologist, was following a script that did not answer my questions and nor did she know who to answer them.  As a result, would anyone subject themselves to radiotherapy with its known side effects, including heart issues, when at the same time I am receiving Herceptin, which also suggests a risk of heart problems. A double whammy!
As it happens I am out of breath walking from my chicken house back to the house ( which is not far!) They warned me this would happen, but it is still a weird feeling, going from 'normal fit' ( if that is possible) to pathetically slow with breathing problems. 

With all the confusion and friendly reminders, that I am 'playing with my life', I keep reminding myself:  The cancerous tumor was removed successfully, with my lymph nodes clean. On paper I am cancer free. Nobody knows. So the planned medical train of Chemo, Herceptin and Radiology is purely preventative. 

A high price to pay, (to think that I might not have any developing cancer cells in my body at the moment), knowing the damage  this Chemo / Herceptin / Radiotherapy train will cause.  Obviously anyone in a white coat, can turn this around and say a �high price to pay, if there are cancer cells multiplying at the moment�.

I see both sides of the argument, but again, this is my body, I feel very worried about strong x rays / beams, entering my body and the side effects I could end up with.

So for now, I have decided against Radiotherapy.

On a lighter note, on the basis of trying to simplify our life, we decided that we would part company with one of our cars, as Geoff and I don�t need three cars between us. ( with the cars and quads, I struggle to remember the insurances, services, tax payments etc)  

As I was removing all personal items from the car today, our dogs clearly knew that something was up. They jumped in and I could for the life of me not get them out by myself. I guess they knew that this was the end of �taking dogs to the park for a walk� and they knew it !!!!

Radiotherapy or not?

Onto the next question. 

I guess most People would just �do the right thing and follow doctors� orders / recommendation�. Until quite recently I had accepted that I would start Radiotherapy, but now having spent more time researching and reading up on it, I am not so sure.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a radiologist, with the aim of starting next week������..

Damage Caused by Radiation Therapy Cancer Treatments
https://thetruthaboutcancer.com/questions-before-radiation-therapy/?gl=582832926&mpweb=144-1693854-742378892

Radiation therapy for cancer causes nerve damage (resulting in numbness and pain). Radiation to the head and neck area can damage the glands, causing throat and mouth sores. Radiation to the stomach or pelvis can damage the intestines. Radiation also limits reconstructive options for breast cancer, and can cause significant damage to the heart, lungs or any other organ nearby. It also causes second cancers.

Can radiotherapy actually cause cancer?
http://patient.info/health/radiotherapy-leaflet

It is well known that radiation is a risk factor to developing certain cancers. Some people are concerned that radiotherapy treatment for a cancer may itself cause a second cancer. However, a research study has provided some reassuring results. The study looked at over 640,000 cancer patients who had been treated with radiotherapy. The study concluded that, on average, about 5 in 1,000 people who had undergone radiotherapy treatment developed a subsequent cancer within 15 years as a result of the radiotherapy. The risk varied somewhat, depending on which part of the body was treated

So as I understand it, Herceptin which I am currently being given, can cause heart problems including heart attack, which is why I have been told that I should not undertake any exercise at the moment. I have got my head around that and am prepared to take that risk.

However, now reading on a variety of other websites, including �breastcancer.org� 

( http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/side_effects/heart_probs), I read that Radiotherapy can also cause �heart problems�.

Therefore I am wondering how clever it would be to have Herceptin  pumped into my veins at the same time as radiotherapy. Double stress being put on the heart!? Surely that is not very clever?

I have a list of questions for the Radiologist tomorrow and will then decide what to do.

I feel so alone..........yet so liberated

Last night I had a lovely chat with Cam, a very dear friend of ours. He was asking me lots of questions regarding what I was doing and what I had achieved last week.

As I was talking to Cam, I realised how completely on my own I am now. By 'opting out of chemo', and not having the support from any of the doctors, nobody who is 'overseeing' my ( hopefully) progress. Nobody who is giving me a steer, telling me to 'do more of this' or 'less of this'. Nobody who 'cares'.
When I stop and think about it for a moment, it is gives me a strange feeling of being in 'free flow', 'free fall',  it feels as if the medical systems has moved onto other patients, who will follow 'Protocol' and no doubt will be more lucrative and easy to deal with.
Does that not alone show that the end of the day we are only a number, a number that either fits into 'Protocol' or not and nobody in the medical profession will actually lose any sleep if you don't appear again.........................







On the other hand, I am finding this experience liberating. Since I have taken 'control' over my body and mind again, I feel free and happy. Only I am responsible for what happens next. I can't and won't blame any possible negative effects on anyone, but myself. This goes for the success as well. If I manage to ensure that I have no cancer cells in my body and move on from this period, then this will be down to me and me only.

I decide what I eat, when I eat, even though I must be driving my family mad. Shopping in Lidl,
(they have the largest BIO section I have across in comparison to other supermarkets) is taking on another meaning and anyone watching Geoff and myself are likely to conclude that we have 'lost the plot'.
We now read every label, it is shocking to see the ingredients on what I previously thought was 'healthy'. How can a pack of fresh prawns, have additives and sugar added, when all you the consumer can see, are lovely pink prawns in a clear package? How can some goats cheese yogurts, not have any goats cheese in them? If you read the small print ( and I am going blind, because even with my glasses I struggle to read the small print), it says 'similar to goats cheese'.

I am basically trying to avoid eating and drinking anything  (watch those apparently healthy juices) which is not organic. Remove toxins out of my life! ( Big aim, hard to do!).

Deep...........in the mountains and the mind

Maybe ' insightful' , 'deep', 'thought provoking', 'educational'.... And that would only scratch the surface, when trying to summarise my trip to Mallorca.

I met 'Achim's double, Klaus, who refers to himself as a �spiritual healer�. 
Apart from him growing exotic plants I have never heard of ( nor have I heard of their healing powers), his approach to life and attitude to sickness in particular cancer, is on another level from many. 
His belief is, that if our body produces cancer then our body can heal cancer. Interesting approach. He refers to Stress and stressful situation, which if not managed effectively weaken the immune system, which is when cancer cells can turn, as the body is not strong enough to fight it off. ( My summary, his explanation was put much more eloquently than this)

Over the recent months I have been mentally going through the top stressful events in my (our) life, surmising that these past events were to blame for my cancer. I think it is only normal to wonder 'why me?', even though there is no answer. 

I am sure these situations are called 'life�, but the trick is how to deal with it.I clearly have always thrown myself into every challenge head on, in the belief, it has to be solved, addressed and sorted. I guess it is the way I let it affect me, even if subconsciously.

Fantastic really, I honestly see this cancer as a 'wake up' call.

So how does a body cure itself of cancer, if this is possible?
I have narrowed it down to a view points, as a result of now being in touch with countless people, doctors ( both 'medical' doctors as well as 'alternative doctors, who left their official career path in order to pursue the 'alternative methods', cancer patients, family of cancer patients who are helping with treatment.
The overwhelming view from so many basically boils it down to Cannabis oil and Bi-carbonate soda. Both can easily be used at home. I am opting for both on the basis that I have nothing to lose, other than my life !

Even, Cancer Research UK
http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2012/07/25/cannabis-cannabinoids-and-cancer-the-evidence-so-far/
are not dismissing the benefits of Cannabinoids, although they are also referring to 'man made' Cannabinoids. I don't understand why anyone would look into manufacturing synthetic Cannabinoid, when many people could just plant one in their garden.
Interesting to note, if you walk through Frigiliana, you can see how many people grow a plant in their flower pots. Although I guess these are grown to smoke, rather than to make the oil. Who knows.

Dr. Simoncini  and Italian Oncologist, from Rome,
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=simoncini
has been treating cancer patients successfully for years, by recommending them to drink Bi-carbonate soda. He believes that Cancer is a fungus, which can grow when in an acidic environment, when the immune system is weakened. Bi-cardonate soda, helps alkalizing the body. It is as ever amazing to learn on how the authorities have tried to 'throw the book' at Dr Simoncini and tried stopping him from treating patients ( successfully!)

Before I leave for Mallorca

Yesterday I received a call from Dr. Hakman, a doctor who was recommended to me and someone our family had used previously some years ago.
I had sent him the details of my cancer and asked him for his opinion some weeks back.

When I saw his name displayed on my mobile, my heart skipped a beat, as I was really hoping he would endorse my decision of opting out of Chemo. I really wanted /  needed someone ( a medical doctor)  to understand where I am coming from.

Unfortunately, the call was similar to many of the recent conversations I have had over the last 3 months.
'I strongly recommend that you follow Protocol, have Chemo, followed by Heceptin, followed by Radiology'.
Not what I wanted to hear, but on reflection I think I am naive if I really believe that any 'medical' doctor will agree with me.

I therefore will stop seeking other opinions and views, because the end of the day, I know that I will not go back to Chemo and looking for a doctor to endorse that, it a silly idea. I stand behind what I believe is right for me and will continue on that path.
No more seeking second, third, fourth etc opinions!

After that somewhat disappointing call, I was delighted to receive the following link, sent to me by my brother in Australia.
How encouraging and fitting. I am flying over to Mallorca this afternoon and am intrigued to see what I will find out and learn and hope that it promises to be what I expect.

Maybe I should have asked Rick Simpson in Canada,  Jeff Ditchfield in Spain, Professor Guzman in Madrid and all the patients who were treated successfully as a result, the same question I have asked the 'medical doctors', that would have given me the answer I am looking for. The answer I received from the Campwell Centre in Aberdeen, Hufeland in Germany and St.Georg Klinic.
The answer I need to hear: NO CHEMO!


http://anonhq.com/after-healing-his-own-cancer-with-cannabis-this-self-taught-doctor-cured-over-5000-patients/

Friends, families, onlookers.........

How do partners, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, brother, sisters, husbands, wives �������.and close friends digest and deal with someone close to them being diagnosed with Cancer? That dreaded word, associated with shock, sadness, pain and often death. How do families get supported and how they support each other?

I have read some tragic stories / blogs written by cancer sufferers , who are not as lucky as me, who ultimately did not survive.  In this strange journey I find myself on, I have to admit that �death� is something I have simply put to the back of my mind. My time has simply not come yet. This in itself is interesting, at what point does one change that belief?  If I am sure of one thing, I am not going to die as a result of this, contrary to Dr. Bully�s the oncologist belief.

In the book I mentioned earlier �The Insider� written by Prof. Dr. Peter Yoda,  he mentions the �40^th research�, which refers to  three people leading and authorizing �research�.  I am not making judgement here, but simply looking at this research, if it is true. The three �people� were Stalin, Mao Tse-Tung and Adolf Hitler, who gave permission to carry out testing on animals and humans. Apparently this research is referred to as the �40^thresearch� , because most of these studies were carried out during that time. If this is correct than I find one of the many studies carried out quite remarkable.

Three groups of people were chosen.

Group 1, became cholera infested water to drink without knowing that they were not drinking normal water.

Group 2, became the same cholera infested water to drink and were told, after they had drunk it what it was.

Group 3, were given normal tap water and were told that they had just drunk cholera infested water.

According to the study, nobody in Group 1 died.

In Group 2 nearly everyone died and in Group 3 over half of the group died.  ( the symptoms they displayed were Cholera related) If this is true, ( I say that, as I have no evidence other than what I read in the book), then the leads me to conclude the power of the mind is stronger than many can imagine.

I have read and heard from several people ( friends  and friends of mine who have either had / have cancer) that yoga and meditation is recommended. I have to admit I tried Yoga with probably the best teacher there is Mirka Finney a few years ago, but was too stressed and �busy� at work, to be able to let my mind rest for more than a nano second. The end result was, that during the Yoga session, I was mentally writing emails that I needed to get off. It did not work for me. I am not sure if I am in the frame of mind now, but feel much calmer than I have ever felt in my life. Strange really, I am the most unstressed person in my family now. This brings me back to families, friends and onlookers.  ( I might give Yoga another try though, Mira is you are reading this, I hope you are ready!)

So why is it, that I feel calm, stress free, happy and in control and none of my family are feeling the same?

Looking back to last year ( August 2015) , when Dan ( Kyla's future husband, our future son in law), was diagnosed with cancer as the tender age of only 31. I remember driving home from the office one evening just after Dan had been diagnosed, just sobbing my eyes out, screaming out loud in the car at nobody really, again and again , how �unfair� it was.  This incredibly feeling of helplessness and not being able to have any impact or any effect, was like a drowning , sinking feeling.  The sun was shining, I did not see. To see Kyla literally crumble in front of my eye, to just sink to the bottom in terms of her thoughts, feeling and emotions broke my heart. Nothing I could do to change the world back to what it had been. This is one year ago!

The depth of despair I remember so well. During all of this Dan, appeared outwardly to be coping better than any one of us around him. Every doctors consultation, every test, the operation, the awful time in recovery, the 6 months of not knowing whether or not the operation was reversible, the second operation, the even worse recovery, Dan just appeared to take it in his stride. Outwardly at least.

For us, his parents Terry and Linda, Geoff myself and Kyla ( I am sure many more friends and family, but I am referring to what I saw and experienced), is was an emotional roller coaster. Watching Kyla was emotionally nearly as bad as  watching Dan. Dan who must have gone through the shock of the diagnosis in the first place, two operations, the recoveries, ( both) and uncertainty in between the operation, if his inner thoughts and emotions were reflected by what we saw, then he was calm and taking each day and each step as they came.

Kyla in comparison,  was so strong in front of Dan, but the minute she walked away from him  she crumbled.  Watching every second, being present during every consultation, listening, taking it in, digesting it, but not having any input because it�s not �you�, is / must be traumatic. I would add that Kyla developed the most amazing nursing skills and I applaud her for that and have the highest respect.

Having gone through �watching / being part of� such an upsetting period as a mother, mother in law! (Ha, Dan, you could not ask for a better one!!!) friend, onlooker, I think I do understand what my family must be going through. Everyone one of them deals with traumatic and upsetting situations differently and I now am finding it honestly interesting ( this time I really mean �interesting�) how each one of them deals with it in their way. Of course I can only judge by what I see and just like Kyla, just like me, when we tried to be strong in front of Dan, I guess this is what I am seeing. No doubt it is different when they have walked away from me.
Now that alone is fascinating, does this mean, that people, including myself, show only part of their emotions and feelings in front of the �sufferer�? I really hope my family are not this �crying mess� I was last year, when finding myself as the �family, friend, onlooker�, every time I turned away from Kyla and Dan.

I was aware of lot so phone calls, messages, whats up�s ( still no idea who to spell that) going on around me, without me. Therefore I surmise, that my family must be doing what �we� did last year. The different groups on whats up, and the long messages of support for each other, to help us be strong in front of Dan, I guess is what my family and close friends have done. �Trying to look strong and positive� in front of the �sufferer�.

That raises guilt;

Guilt because of the suffering I am causing as a result of being a sufferer. ( I know what I mean!).

Guilt, because I have worked through this �cancer stuff� in my head and am fine now, but the rest of the family are not.

Guilt, because I can�t help them? Or can I, by being fine, I guess?

Guilt, because apart from �them� ( shorter and easier than to write , �friends, family onlookers�) having to also come to terms with me having cancer, but also because I made the decision that I was �opting out of chemo� and looking for  alternative treatment.

Guilt, because even though we had endless phone calls, family meetings, discussions on what alternatives I would / could opt for, how, where, when and explaining the rationale behind the �why�, the end of the day, they were / are all onlookers and that must  them caused them a lot of stress, as well as  possibly causing  this �helpless feeling� , that I experienced last summer.  

I really get it.  But how to help �family, friends, onlookers� cope that really is the challenge������ It makes me feel guilty, it feels like I am sucking the life out of the people around me, who care, and I am becoming stronger, whereas the same can�t be said for them. When and how will that balance return? When a doctor, ( in my case, I wonder who I will turn to..) states, that I am �cancer free�? That then takes us back to the power of the mind again. Do we need the official reassurance? Is this what my family need to hear? I don�t know, but in the meantime, I can honestly say for what it�s worth, I am just fine!!!

And�����. ( should never start a sentence with �and�), I have booked my flight to Mallorca, ready for a learning trip!

The strength in people..........

Dr Acosta the lovely homeopathic doctor I saw last week, has send me some very interesting links today.
Whilst the other includes alternative treatment which I am of course researching now, this one made me appreciate what I have and also admire the strength of so many people who have been touched by cancer. This one with a happy ending.
The drive Sarah Witney had / has to live for her children and family, no doubt carried her through this.  There are no words����..

http://www.today.com/news/mom-breast-cancer-breastfeeds-newborn-beautiful-photos-t51466

Heceptin day!

Entered the hospital at 10.15am and left at 15.30pm

Question form me: How is my latest blood test?

Answer: Fine (would you like to expand a little, ���.guess not)
Q:    How about the PH reading and the sub points which are all off the scale including my oxygen levels in the blood (they are after all, all off the scale of normality)

A:    They are normal
Q:     �but they can�t be. Where then norm is 60-80 my reading comes out at 17. (Even though I have not managed to find out the meaning of each one, I can see when something is off scale)

A:     That is not important the important reading is the PH
Q:     How do I know and find out what the other sub categories mean ( If they are not important, why are they on the blood test??)
A:      You can have another blood test, but it really really hurts, it goes directly into your artery��. ( It worked, he frightened me)

Question from me: Why was I not offered a MRT or PET Scan
A:   Your cancer is not severe enough   (that�s a new one, having been told a number of times now, that I will die if I don�t have chemo)
Q:   Why then was I prescribed 8 sessions of chemo?
A:   Because your cancer is severe. (I am starting to get confused at this stage, confused being the polite word. So my cancer is �severe� when it suits them and �not severe� when it suits them better?)

Q:   Am I correct in understanding that a PET Scan can / does detect abnormal cells?
A:    Yes ( Hallelujah, I just want to know if any cancer cells have spread to me toe nails. I genuinely don�t understand why I would be prescribed 8 session of chemo, to try and kill possible cancer cells that might have �escaped�, when I could have a PET scan to find out if they actually have?!)
Q:   Can you prescribe me a PET scan please?
A:    Fine, but I will prescribe a MRT scan first (I guess I accept that for now, and push for the PET scan later)
Question: How long are you recommending I have Herceptin for?

Answer: One year!
Q:     What is the difference between having it for six months, versus one year?
A:      I don�t know. (Then why be so confident in stating one year?!)

Q:      Do you have any statistics, of peoples survival rate, taking Herceptin for six months versus one year?

A:      No (Same thought, how can he be so confident in starting one year!?)
Q:      Then how to you know that one year is needed and is better?
A:       It�s Protocol (This is quickly becoming my most hated word!)

Question: What are the side effects of Herceptin
Answer: Heart failure
Q:       Sorry to ask, as in �die of heart failure�? ( Would I have been told that if I had not asked!)
A:       Yes
Q:       So how do I know I am having heart failure and what do I do?

A:        You get breath less, your legs swell up and if that happens you need to get to hospital immediately
Q:        Breathless, ( I am thinking about my bike and the idea of getting fit), can I cycle?
A:         No (Great, so not only will I be the, fake hair, fake eye brows, fake eyelashes sad mother of the bride, I can add, �fat� to this description now. The photographer better stay away from me!)
Question from Oncologist: Do you want the �medication� via IV or injection? (Why does he not explains the pros and cons for either option. Come on make it easier for your cancer patient)
Answer in form of a question from me:  How much liquid is being pumped into me?
Q: 250 ml (that is the equivalent of a small bottle of water, for me I just see an elephant injection in the back of my mind)
A: I think I will go for IV. I assume by injection would be a challenge, as this is a lot of liquid

Oncologist: Before you go upstairs (the dreaded 'room of doom and gloom' as I see it), the chief oncologist wants / needs to talk to you. She will explain why �opting� out is not a good idea. You have to listen to her.
Answer: That is fine (wheel her in, can�t wait for this lecture)

The summary, this little interaction was comical. A lady in a white coat enters the room (she must have been hovering around outside, as she was in the room within a second of my oncologist mentioning her). I don�t recall her saying hello, she did not look at me, forget shaking hands or any type of greeting. The rattled of the reason why this is the biggest mistake of my life, asked me to think very carefully about this. All I replied was that I had thought about it, and with that she left as quickly as she had entered. Safe to say, her well-rehearsed little speech did not give her the result she was hoping for. I am clearly not following Protocol!!

With that over, I was asked to go back to the waiting room and wait another hour and a half, before a chair became available in the' room of doom and gloom'.

I asked Geoff to take a photos of the liquid Heceptin / Trastuzumab  they set up for me, just to check that they didn�t inadvertently pump Chemo into me.

What wasn�t helpful and I blame myself. I had a brought a book to read, the Insider by Prof. Dr Peter Yoda, which was a mistake. He mentions in the book that the research of Heceptin was only conducted and published by Roche, the manufacturer. I did contemplate for a short second, whether to rip the drip out or not. I didn�t, I am committed now to going along with this for 6 months, but not a year. So that will be the next positive constructive conversation with my oncologist.

Later that evening, I had a long conversation with my �sister of cousin in law�(?), Cathy, who has been a nurse for years and is quite familiar with many cancer products used to treat patients. It was great talking to her. She told me about the lesser side effects of Heceptin, besides Heart failure and waking up this morning, she was right with most of them.
I feel like I have been run over by a bus, every joint in my body aches and moving is a challenge. I decided that if this is what it might feel like to get to 100, I am happy to leave this planet before that. My head is killing me and I could not sleep. But, it�s apparently normal, so hopefully these signs will go soon.
I am so pleased with the �travel sick bands�. Thank you Rhea. I started to feel sick last night and put the band on. Success! Whether they  worked or whether it is simply in my mind, I actually don�t care, the feeling of nausea disappeared.

So on an up. I am booking my flight to Mallorca today, having had a reply from Klaus. I have a feeling that this will be a very interesting ( there is that word again!) trip and I am looking forward to it.

Googled out!

An interesting day. I had my blood test today, ready for tomorrow�s first session of Herceptin. I had pushed the Oncologist to also include testing my PH level, which he reluctantly did, with the words   �it will be fine, as your kidney will balance it out�.

I love the word �interesting�, as interestingly enough, my PH appeared to be fine, but all sub 'points / categories', none of which I understood, were way of the scale. Where the norm said between 50-80, mine was 17��. I wish now I had paid more (any!) attention during my Chemistry class. Googling �pCO2, p02, HC03, ABE and a few more abbreviations was �interesting�.  I did find out that my �oxygen� in my blood is low. Very low. 

Picking up the blood results, coincided with a phone call from the Hufeland clinc, Dr Dermuth. Initially I thought he called to talk me out of having Herceptin and to convince me into flying to Germany tomorrow, which I was scheduled to do tomorrow.
I could not have been more mistaken.  He called, following my email informing him that I was not coming tomorrow, (but later this year), to find out what my plans were. He fully supported me starting Herceptin and told me that he too could administer it and would be able to treat me (building up my immune system, which also included oxygenation of the blood) whilst having the Herceptin treatment.  What strange timing again!  I also thought how kind, I have got so used to pushing doctors and demanding information, that he took me by surprise.
I will see how tomorrow goes and will then make a plan when to fly to Germany over the next few weeks.

Regarding the oxygenation of blood, I had not really looked into this in too much detail, although I had come across it, but now having received my blood test results, this was truly strange timing! Dr Dermuth can help me.

The Oxygen Cancer Connection
Dr. Otto Warburg, 1931 Nobel prize winner, discovered a close connection between oxygen and cancer. His studies showed that the primary cause of cancer is directly related to oxygen-deprived cells. In fact, he found that cancer cells are anaerobic and actually thrive in an oxygen-deficient environment.
Warburg also discovered that a slightly alkaline pH in the body meant higher levels of oxygen uptake. These days, having a low blood oxygen level is a normal clinical finding for people with chronic diseases.
 http://www.naturalnews.com/032096_oxygenation_body.html#ixzz4HX0B1Ym3

Also this afternoon, I contacted the doctor, Klaus,  (Dolly�s doctor in Mallorca) to talk to him about cannabis oil. I had a great conversation with him and am now considering flying to Mallorca next week, to understand more about it.
That does depend though on whether or not I will be feeling like a dying dog after tomorrow or not and if so, for how long.

I am prepared though, Rhea has sent me travel sickness band to wear on the wrist and I have a cupboard full of ginger nut biscuits (any excuse), so bring it on, I am as ready as I can be. 

So many strong people..............

This is not about me, in fact, I feel humble, what I am battling with is nothing in comparison����..

A very good friend of ours Jaki, has kept us up to date about a friend of hers, Dolly, lives in Mallorca and if / when you read and hear how she is coping with her life and cancer, it is inspiring. The YouTube clip is of Dolly and her boyfriend Andy, our friend�s son . https://youtu.be/oh_tI29NPrA

A truly remarkable brave young lady.

Jaki, our friend wrote in a recent email to us :
You are going through similar situations as so many friends and people I know.
Most doctors / oncologists seem to have few or no "feelings" when dealing with cancer victims which makes me really angry too. Dolly was told, coldly, that she would be dead within 2 months if she did not continue with chemo. She has had NO medical treatment since that day, over 1 year ago now! Her oncologist also told her that the chemo could kill her because, over the years, her 4 sessions of chemo has permanently damaged her whole body and bone-marrow. So sad and distressing after recently having her arm amputated to remove the cancer! She has coped so well, washing and styling her wig with one hand.

Another lady I know, Annemarie, who had breast cancer and went through Chemo, sent me these lines:
Discussions with consultants are at best draining, at worst so depressing and upsetting.  It's a relief to find someone who treats like you a fully functioning human being.

Saw your article about washing your wig.  First time is very nerve wracking, just like washing a precious newborn baby.  I only had one wig so no fallback position.  The advice I got was to turn the wig inside out, wash the inside with gentle baby shampoo, and rinse under the shower with cold water.  Hope that helps too.

Tony, who I have known and �loved� since I was 18 years old, has also been through hell and back:
What I found interesting was how little data is used to check up on people. I had nodular lymphocyte predominant Hodgkin's lymphoma (nlphl) which is relatively rare. They used to treat it as regular Hodgkin's (hence why quack in North Vancouver got it wrong) but recent developments illustrated it had more in common with non-Hodgkin�s. So they treat it now similarly. I asked the quack in Bath what the cure rate was in UK, as I had read up on it and only came across one test who had taken a specific cure, and after 6 years all 6 nlphl patients were in the clear. He replied that he kept his own records, but there was no central data bank for UK haematologists (Blood oncologists). He kept his own records and had so few people so it could not be reliable. A worldwide specialist in Vancouver (ironic since my oncologist did not refer me to him, just across the bridge) prescribed the same treatment, but also did not have many cases. He did have 20 years of data for Hodgkin's treatment, and for nlphl limited stage (mine had spread, so needed chemo full on). Looking back I can see how the guy in North Vancouver got it wrong, but what he is not excused for is giving me misleading information (or worse, he said I had Hodgkin's, probably didn't read the autopsy fully - he gave that impression) and not conceding he goofed - probably for legal reasons.

It seems to me that many doctors / consultants have lost the art of �empathy�, and the way they communicate with Cancer patients. It is sad, as this should be the easiest part of their profession. Just a friendly smile, an understanding nod,  a sign, they empathise what the patient is going through

On your bike!...............

My brother Torsten had sent me a very interesting link regarding a trial carried out in Australia. http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/4459555.htm

In fact the research results are apparently �ground breaking�, in that cancer patients, are put on an exercise regime, whilst they are going through Chemotherapy treatment.  The brains behind this trial is Professor Robert Newton.

Prof Robert Newton
A lot of our research is actually driven by the oncologists, because they're right working with the patients and they see what's happening. And they came to us and said, "Look, why are we actually waiting until these patients are SO deconditioned and they're feeling SO unwell, and then we try and rehabilitate them? Wouldn't it be a way better, much more effective approach if we actually intervene with the exercise at the same time that they commence their therapy?"

We now have a growing number of research studies showing that if people hit a certain level of physical activity - which is relatively modest, to be honest - then they'll more than double their chances of surviving their cancer. In other words, they halve their risk of dying.

A fascinating interview to watch, if you have cancer, I guess.

So with this in mind, I put on my shorts this morning and went cycling. Now that might not sound like anything special, but to those who know where we live, I would like some appreciation please. Just getting to the main road is like climbing then north face of the Eiger! Having said that, I managed 30 minutes of slog. To think we used to own a gym and I was ( guess still am, but somewhat redundant / retired) a qualified spinning instructor, then today�s performance was a total disgrace in terms of achievements. But, then again, I have an excuse, as today was the first time in a very long time I did any kind of serious exercise.

I fully intend to do this again and if I manage it might just do it regularly. With every pedal push, I kept thinking that 'I will beat this thing�. I was so happy  it wasn't sunny!!

 An electric bike seems very appealing right now. Will get onto google, researching this one now. After all, it would be criminal if I was to die of a heart attack whilst battling with these  hills here in order to fight cancer!

A calm day

Then again maybe not!?
I don�t know what to expect next week. I am due to start 'Herceptin' on Wednesday and understand that it either is administered via IV or and injection. Being a wimp, if I get the choice, I will go for IV , I think.

I guess it depends on how much liquid they are putting into me. I shudder at the thought of a long needle that takes five minutes to empty into my arm��� IV therefore might be better.

Hopefully I will also find out on Wednesday when I can start Radiology, which ideally I would want this week.

I am worried of course about the side effects of Herceptin. I know they are nothing like Chemo, but having felt so well, and almost �back to normal� the last week or two, I don�t relish the thought of feeling sick again.

In Summary  (https://www.drugs.com/sfx/herceptin-side-effects.html)

Common side effects of Herceptin include:febrile neutropenia, infection, skin rash, nausea, vomiting, fever, dizziness, headache, weakness, pain, rhinitis, flu-like symptoms, diarrhea, neutropenia, insomnia, pharyngitis, abdominal pain, back pain, chills, and anorexia. Other side effects include: urinary tract infection, tachycardia, edema, arthralgia, paresthesia, anemia, depression, ostealgia, and sinusitis. See below for a comprehensive list of adverse effects.

I will need to google most of these. Anything finishing in ��.ia�, ( with the exception of one or two) I have never heard of.

I have today mastered the courage of washing �Angelina� ( my shorter wig). I realise that this might sound silly, but I was worried that after washing it the hairs would  fall out. ( out of the wig) This really would be all I need a wig with bald patches, showing my bald patch. That would clear the pavement in front of me.

My �savior�, Moses in the wig shop, had told me to buy the best shampoo and conditioner I could buy. He recommended �Wella� and explained how to wash it. I have to say, a weird feeling, applying an expensive conditioner ( I never spent that money on my own hair) to a wig in the sink in front of me.

Having said that �Angelina� is now looking glam again and I would like to add, I lost no hairs when I  brushed the tangles out. A result!

I am not 'following Protocol'...............result!

It does appear that Dr Leopoldo Burgos ( the bully, who I had the displeasure of meeting last night), was not entirely correct in his statement, that 'nobody in Spain would agree to me stopping Chemo and continuing with Herceptin and Radiology', I am delighted to say.

After the low I felt yesterday, following the meeting of Dr Leopoldo Burgos, who told me that I would die and that the NHS statistics are simply wrong ( Interesting view in itself), I feel that today was the first time I had a result. The answer I was waiting for.

My 'old' Oncologist, having met with his 'team', have agreed to me continuing on Herceptin next Wednesday for a year, without me having another Chemo session. I have to sign the above letter, confirming that I am aware of the risk and that I am officially opting out.

I will sign it with pleasure and put a lipstick kiss next to my signature.

Having contacted the German Doctor, Dr. Joachim Jaeger, who has been just wonderful in his support, this morning, to see if I would fly over in order to continue my treatment in Germany, I was equally delighted to email him with the good news.

What a difference a day makes! :-)

Can't think...........feeling bullied

I saw the second Oncologist tonight, mainly to get a second opinion. 

During this 10 minute �consultation�, which cost �100, I was told by a smiling friendly man, that I would die if I did not have Chemo. According to him my cancer is the most aggressive cancer and chances are it has already traveled. This was news to me!

When I asked him what he thought the survival rate would be if I did or didn�t have Chemo, he told me that if I did not have Chemo I would die. As simply as that.

I then showed him the screen shot I had from the NHS website, (which yesterdays �old� Oncologist had used), he told me that the NHS website was wrong or that the wrong information had been entered. That by doing Chemo, my chances would improve by 20%.

He smiled the entire time he spoke to me, which was unnerving, as we were discussing (for the first time since I was diagnosed with cancer) my life versus my death.


I asked him to please show me where he would obtain information on 'my survival' rate, he told me that his computer did not work. Really? But he was able to confirm verbally to me that I needed at least 8 Chemo sessions and not the 6 prescribed by the other Oncologist. This doctor, Dr Leopoldo Burgos, based in Malaga, is either a genius or ...........

When I asked him if he could help me in having Herceptin without the Chemo, he made it very clear, leaving me with no doubt, that this was against �Protocol� and no one and nowhere in Spain would agree to that, including him.

I left upset, and unable to think clearly.  I really believe anyone, not as determined as me would have crumbled, as I was close to it.

Talking it through with Geoff tonight, I started to get angry, this doctor behaved in the most insensitive way and I felt bullied by him. I don�t like feeling bullied, in fact, nobody has ever tried to bully me. Yet I was in tears as I had left his practice.

Unfortunately, the �old� Oncologist had not left his medical recommendation (to authorise Herceptin) as he had promised the day before. I have driven all the way to the hospital to pick it up, for nothing. The girls in reception knew nothing, nor did they seem to care.

I am going to call the hospital again tomorrow, but if I don�t get the confirmation that they will give me Herceptin (against �Protocol�), then the decision has just been made and I am off to Germany ( where I still have two options). Not my preferred choice, but clearly I am not getting what I want here in Spain and clearly nobody cares. Unless you give in and follow doctor�s orders blindly, they don�t want to know.

I might retract that statement tomorrow, if I receive the answer I am hoping for, but I am starting to doubt that.

Feeling relieved..........

Feeling relieved����.

My meeting with my �old� Oncologist went better than expected.

I started by asking him to show my online, what my survival rates were (for my type of Breast Cancer, ER negative, HER2 positive, Ki67 positive)  if I stopped Chemo versus I continued Chemo and had Herceptin also known as Trastuzumab. (struggling to pronounce the second name)

After he had entered my data, I asked him to turn the screen around, so I could see it. I was surprised to see that the medical profession in Spain use the NHS website. www.predict.nhs.uk/predict.htmlin English. The reason I stress �in English�, up to this point I was not aware that the Oncologist spoke English. Anyway that is beside the point.

Looking at the statistical data from the NHS, I was delighted to read the following.

Anyone with my type of Breast cancer, who only has the tumour removed has a 76% survival rate without any further treatment up to 5 years, for 10 years that is reduced to 67%.

Interesting by having Chemo, my chances are only increased by 8% up to 5 years and 10% up to 10 years.
Bearing in mind that Chemo kills my good cells and weakens my immune system, which is likely to result in other illnesses I have mentioned before, then choosing the Chemo option in my case, would be a lot of pain and sickness with all the associates side effects to suffer, in the knowledge that the % increase of survival is so low.

Looking further by having Chemo and Herceptin / Trastuzumab, then my survival rate would increase by 12% over 5 years and 14% over 10 years. Now what I don�t know, and the Oncologist did not voice an opinion, by me opting to only have Herceptin / Trastuzumab, what the % increase in life expectancy would be then. I imagine according to these statistics better than 76% over 5 years and better than 67% over 10 years.

I am a visual person and absorb information better visually, therefore looking at the graph, the blue means my survival rate having had the op. Positive, great.  The orange adds the life expectancy after Chemo treatment and the green / turquoise add the life expectancy after Chemo with Herceptin / Trastuzumab.

For me this has now become crystal clear. If the percentage increase of choosing the Chemo road of hell, would have been significantly higher, it would have been a �no-brainer� for me.

Isn�t it almost frightening, to think that by going to through what I can only describe of a road of hell, (Chemo hell) the increase chance of survival is so low. Why would I do that to myself and my body, not to mention my mind?

I did feel sorry for Dr Navarro, my Oncologist, when I asked him, as he could not believe what I was telling him, how many people had opted out of Chemo in my position, he replied by saying �None�. I imagine he thinks I have a �death wish� or am simply �suicidal�.

Well I am neither. I am just chasing what I believe is best for me and I guess time will tell.  Would it be great if I was still alive in 15 years, cancer free, having walked away from Chemo. J

Whilst I am waiting..........

... to see the Oncologists this week, apart from reading up and researching further, I am also occupied with harvesting what we planted. I am not sure if it is the soil, the sun, or we are plain lucky, but our veggies seem to grow larger than anything I have seen in Supermarkets. The beetroot look like footballs, the courgettes are as large as cricket bats and our watermelons are heavier than 'Zula' our German Sheppard. Surely this will increase my Alkaline levels!?!


I am reading a book, written by Jeff Ditchfield, who I mentioned earlier, about the benefits and healing effects of Cannabis Oil. 
I have never smoked a joint ( apart from when I was in Jamaica with my dear friend Marieke, many moons ago), certainly never tried any drugs and always looked at Cannabis as something (forgive my description if you are under the age of middle age), that young hippies did.
Well I am changing my mind.  I highly recommend the book ' The medical Cannbis Guidebook'

Example from ex cancer patients from brain, to colon to breast cancer, who did not only see a remarkable improvement but the cancer was cured. Now of course this book is written by someone who believes it works, otherwise he would not write the book.
I am decided that I will try Cannabis oil ( taken by mouth) and see what happens. I have nothing to lose and it is not going to harm. Obtaining it, could be the challenge, it is banned in the UK, but I believe there are website that sell it online, unless you make it yourself.

People all around me...........Inspiration

People around me sometimes hear me say � in my previous life�, this is what I call it when I refer to our London life.

I remember running a management course years ago, talking about the 4 stages of grief  or change, when change is enforced.  (Kubler-Ross Model) . �Shock�, �Denial�, �Anger� , �Acceptance�.  There are various models, some include Depression before  people reach the Acceptance stage.  Strange how I run these courses and yet  I personally had not experienced anything I could really relate to on a larger scale and when I did I was amazed to find that this is simple human behavior. Subconscious .

Although this can be applied to anything, from the fact that after a week of dieting, when you step on the scales and see you lost nothing � Shock ( �What!!�) , Denial ( the scales are broken), Anger, ( bought the wrong scales, why is this diet not working!!) to Acceptance,  �shuk I have not lost anything�, to dealing with much bigger issues like with death. When my dear Grandfather / Opa Georg died, �Shock�, complete disbelief �Denial�, it can�t be true, then the �Anger�, why did the doctors not save him, to �Acceptance�, which is when I was able to remember the wonderful happy times I was able to share with him during my childhood and teens.

Looking back on it, this is what I experience the last couple of months. Some of these stages, some people tend to spend more on before moving to the next one.  I look back now and find it quite interesting that my �Denial phase�, did not last that long, but my �Anger phase� did take up some time, after which I reached the �Acceptance phase� quite quickly.

Interesting at the time, this is not something I thought about more a nano second.

How do other people deal with bad news like this? It is really our internal subconscious or is it learned behaviour? I don�t know.

I remember feeling absolute in awe of Dan, our future son in law, when he was diagnosed with cancer last year. I saw the �Shock�, but the �Denial� and most certainly the �Anger� phase I did not see.

Dan seemed to move to �Acceptance� so much quicker than me.  I have such respect to the way he handled his journey last year. And of course the best news, he has beaten it!!!!! I would add, that as an �onlooker� you also go through these phases and again, when Dan was diagnosed, I spent  considerable time in the �Anger� zone. �Anger� , because it was simply not right!!

Sadly some of our friends are currently going through the experience  of dealing with cancer as well. I will ask them, how they initially dealt with this period of their lives. It is not something one would normally ask someone , when you hear that  he / she has cancer. I find it fascinating.

Tony, I have known him since I was 18 years old, has been through Chemo twice. How I admire him and how bad a feel for now supporting him more. Chris, who I have also knows since I was 18 years old, is having a hell of  a time with cancer. He is tackling it full on and is also going through Chemo. When I first heard about their different cancers, I googled it. How little I know. How brave they both are, and how both seem to accept it and move on, without this �Anger phase�. Maybe this model was written for me , and I am the only one to was just so damm angry? For some long weeks. I feel so sorry for my family who had to experience my anger outburst of WTF!! Thankfully that stage is well and truly over now J and I am smiling as I am writing this now.

With this in mind I find it equally fascinating, although that might not be the right word to use here, so let�s go with , interesting, so compare the different medical systems.

Having lived in Germany, ( I can�t remember going to the doctor in South Africa), France ( Jack our son was born there) , UK ( both girls were born there) and Spain, I compare the different systems of course.

The UK strikes me as a caring system, the nurses I have come across as if they really care. I remember it as feeling �safe�, a �safe system�.

In France it felt like you were a �body�. The doctors were excellent, but their �bedside manner� was something to get used to. Given birth to Jack , was like being a slab of meat, the doctors �did what they had to do�, never mind that at end of that body, I had a head, mind, feelings and emotions.

Germany always seemed totally over the top, funnily enough something I crave right now.  You don�t just go to your doctor for with ear ache, but are likely to be referred to a nose / throat / ear specialist, followed by xrays and whatever else they do. The doctors and specialists seems to all work together, know each other and as a patient you just walk through whichever door, the medical �team� has discussed and decided. Also a very �safe� feeling.

Don�t get me wrong, I am not judging or critising any medical system, I am comparing. Comparing to what I have experience here so far in Spain. I found out via google translate that I had cancer in reception of the clinic where I had the mammogram and biopsy. Whilst I speak Spanish and get by just fine, the word �carcinoma� was not on my daily vocab list and I never did Latin at school, ( I am delighted to say J) . That is not the nicest, cuddly way to find out, that as far as you are concerned your life has just stopped. To be left with the analysis that I had to bring to the gynecologist , where I told her that I had Breast cancer, might not be the conventional way compared to the UK or Germany.

Whilst the doctors here have all the contacts, and refer you, you the patient have to make the appointments  yourself and push. When the surgeon, finished his consultation after the operation, he simply gave me a piece of paper with a phone number of the hospital. �Call them in order to arrange the Chemo�. Great! ( not!).

Therefore this morning, I was elated, when I called the number my gynecologist had given me in my search for an different more open minded Oncologist,  they had clearly already been called by Dr Theresa Saez my gynecologist, as they had my name, my back ground and confirmed an appointment for me on Thursday at 19.30pm. I felt relief!

I am now seeing my ( let�s refer to him as �old�) Oncologist, who is expecting me tomorrow to continue with Chemo during the morning and the �new� Oncologist the day after that. Surely one of them will accept an impossible patient who tells them what she wants pumped into her veins. I hope.

Time is running short now, as I am due to fly to Germany in a week tomorrow to start the alternative treatment, unless I get the Radiology and 'Herceptin' accepted here.

My worry, ( and only in Spain), it is FERIA in Malaga next week. To those of you who are reading this and not living in Spain, that means that virtually an entire City closes for a week. This includes the majority of shops, many bars and restaurants, as well a medical clinics, who are running on emergency cover. One week of celebration. Fine by me under normal circumstance, but bad timing right now. We will find out in the next 48 hours.

 

Life...........and then another ?!

I called my GP, Dr Heymans this morning, asking him for the 'yellow pages' of other Oncologists and Radiologists, who I think is despairing with me. When I first heard that I needed Chemo, my reaction was what most people who  know me would have expected. Total denial and very angry! The poor man offered to prescribe, what I refer to as �happy pills� and whilst I totally appreciate that they no doubt help many many people deal with stressful situations, I think I have established a long time ago, that I don�t necessarily fall into the �norm�. I declined the offer.  He did however give me some magic �stick under the tongue� mini tablets, which I took an hour before the operation. I was calm as a cucumber as they rolled me down and when I woke up, was over the moon to look down and see what looked unmistakably like my boob.

Hopefully Dr. Heymans will call me back, he suggested that he would talk to my Oncologist, to explain that I was opting out of Chemo and wanted 'Herceptin' immediately, as well as Radiology.
It would be ideal if my Oncologist ( who I am unable to talk to until Wedneday, Easier to get an audience with the Pope than him), agrees to me changing tack.
If he doesn't agree, then I will go through the 'yellow pages' and will find someone who will.

How lucky I am, not to have lost a breast. I have since spoken to a number of woman, one a good friend of mine, who had mastectomies. How lucky am I! What these ladies went through must have been hell, their journey was so much harder than mine.  On top of losing a breast, going through Chemo with all it�s horrible side effects and then ending up with osteoporosis as a result of Chemo������ I feel such a wimp in comparison. I have it easy! Having heard about the aftereffect of my friends Chemo, i.e. osteoporosis, I have again in my  mind had confirmed that Chemo is not for me.  And I think I can say this with confidence, as I have tried it.

I noticed that I am using the word �strange� very often. It was strange, just as life started not to be so good. ( prefer that to �life stopped for a short while,� whilst I had to work out how to deal with this new challenge), we had the best news ever. Kyla and Dan found out the day of my breast opeartion, very strange timing!
It does appear that I will be competing in 'baldness levels' with our new grandchild, which we ( The Royal �we�,  which stands for Kyla and Dan and Geoff and I) are expecting on my birthday, out of all days, next February. 

We are over the moon, naturally I am hoping for a girl that will turn out to be as beautiful and charming as my daughters, and Geoff and Dan are hoping for a boy. Keep the flag flying and all that stuff J. We will just have to wait and the end of the day whether girl or boy, he / she will be spoiled, loved and cherished. Can't wait to teach 'it' to swim and ski!

Poor Kyla is being overloaded with Diet information from my side now, on what she needs to eat.

Chemo brain? .............or, Information overload?

Chemo brain? �������or Information overload?

I met Dr Jose Ignacio Acosta on Friday. The waiting room was nothing like the previous waiting rooms I have experienced  during the last few weeks. His has beautiful music, some comfy chairs and some �incense� , homeopathic smelly somethings, designed no doubt to make you feel relaxed. It worked! I would have stayed there and slept all day. Dr Acosta, confirmed that he thought I should stop Chemo immediately, which was music to my ears, as I had missed / cancelled my second Chemo session last week, but then I expected him to say that. He then proceeded to do some tests and asked me hundreds of questions, many of which I did not expect, ( the, as I call them �touchy, feely� type questions) and told me that the most important thing right now, was to increase my Alkaline levels.

I had heard of Alakaline, and read a book that Mo had kindly lend me. In fact I ordered it ( Honestly Healthy: Eat with your body in mind , the alkaline way).
Initially it made depressing reading, for me a least. I love nothing more than a G&T on a hot summers night, or a glass or two of cold white wine. So to hear that wine and particularly tonic are high on the acid list, did not make my day.

Dr Acosta then issued me with a list of �don�t eat�. The  list only lists 30 items , but when you look at line 1, which states � no meat�, that means all meats, sausages, bacon etc. Where it states �no diary� , but I love �nube� ( caffee latte!), I love goats cheese, Camembert, Roquefort, in fact any cheese!!! No yogurt, no chocolate, no biscuits, no bread. Shoot me now!!!!!  No tea only green tea!  No eggs! My chickens lay 6 eggs a day! The list goes on���

He told me to buy PH sticks, to check my levels. I am on a mission now!! I will get this damm  Alakaline level up . The only �PH levels�, I have been familiar with so far, have been the PH levels in our pool. If we did cover this at school, I must have missed it.

How frightening though to think that a high PH level is the perfect breeding ground for Cancer cells. http://www.cancerfightingstrategies.com/ph-and-cancer.html.

So bearing in mind that �I have cancer�, it has been cut out � I had cancer�, but they don�t know if �I have cancer cells reaching down to my toes�, I guess this is a must and I am on it.

I have become the �family bore� ,  lovely lunches, and I am eating a pear, lovely dinners and I am cooking my own black rice with courgettes. I long for those lovely long family lunches around the pool with a bottle of Verdejo.

Dr Acosta asked me to come back in 4 weeks, to see if and by how much my PH level has changed. Let�s see.


I also spoke to Dr Jaeger , the German Gynecologist, on Friday , whom I had sent all my papers too. His view is that I should have had Chemo prior to the operation in order to shrink the tumor. Great! This did not happen.  The most interesting view though and I could have hugged him through the telephone was the fact that he, the medically trained Gynecologist confirmed what I had already decided. No more Chemo!  He did stress though that I should not wait for Radiology until February but have it NOW. He also supports that I should have the scheduled one year treatment of Herceptin. He is very familiar with Mistletoe and supports it.

I am now researching that one.

So, ( hate starting a sentence with �so�, but it is kind of reflective), having bought hellishly expensive flights to Germany, Stuttgart. Having confirmed to the Hufeland Klinik that I will check in the week after next, this is now likely to change everything, I thought I had organized  my way forward and set everything up.

Here is my new  plan: ( at the moment in theory). Monday morning I will find an oncologist who will agree to give me Radiology immediately. I have a meeting with �my oncologist� who has been pumping the �Chemomix� into my veins on Wednesday, but doubt that he will support me taking control and telling him what I want him to pump into me instead of Chemo. If he does not agree, then I will find �someone� who will agree to pump Herceptin into my veins.   

http://www.herceptin.com/  Not sure if I like what I am reading about these side effects. Give me a break, my hair has already fallen out, my fingernails�.. what finger nails, have gone, I have watery eyes, can�t stand going outside without strong sunglasses, which frightens my chickens, feel completely exhausted most of the time and to add to this now, I read that I am likely to get fever and chills ( great in August), feel sick  (not again, although I have these great wrist bands Rhea sent me from the UK, against sea sickness. They won�t leave my wrists!), vomiting, ( hate the thought of this, particularly when I can�t even look back and say I had a �great night out�), Headache ( Sorry Geoff, I have a headache J), Dizziness and shortness of breath, ( just don�t watch me walking down the street)

Talking about walking down the street.

I remember when I bought our first pram for Kylababy. After we bought the pram, I remember only seeing prams wherever I went. Similarly when I was the proud owner of a navy blue Golf, all I saw on the road, or so it seemed, were navy blue golfs.

Well, when I walk through Malaga, all I seem to see is �Hair�. My eyes are automatically drawn to everyone�s hair. I am wondering with everyone, if they are wearing a wig or if it�s is their real hair. I has become an obsession, or just part of going out. I don�t like going out on a windy day. What if my wig blows off!! Actually wouldn�t that be funny. That would clear the pavement! Having said that, it is so hot, I am now quite happily pulling �Angelina� ( Moses told me my wig model was called Angelina, so there you go!), off my head as soon as I get into the car or come back home. Feels so much better, airy!
I have a different appreciation for bald men and wonder if they sweat as much as I do. ( on their head)