People around me sometimes hear me say � in my previous life�, this is what I call it when I refer to our London life.
I remember running a management course years ago, talking about the 4 stages of grief or change, when change is enforced. (Kubler-Ross Model) . �Shock�, �Denial�, �Anger� , �Acceptance�. There are various models, some include Depression before people reach the Acceptance stage. Strange how I run these courses and yet I personally had not experienced anything I could really relate to on a larger scale and when I did I was amazed to find that this is simple human behavior. Subconscious .
Although this can be applied to anything, from the fact that after a week of dieting, when you step on the scales and see you lost nothing � Shock ( �What!!�) , Denial ( the scales are broken), Anger, ( bought the wrong scales, why is this diet not working!!) to Acceptance, �shuk I have not lost anything�, to dealing with much bigger issues like with death. When my dear Grandfather / Opa Georg died, �Shock�, complete disbelief �Denial�, it can�t be true, then the �Anger�, why did the doctors not save him, to �Acceptance�, which is when I was able to remember the wonderful happy times I was able to share with him during my childhood and teens.
Looking back on it, this is what I experience the last couple of months. Some of these stages, some people tend to spend more on before moving to the next one. I look back now and find it quite interesting that my �Denial phase�, did not last that long, but my �Anger phase� did take up some time, after which I reached the �Acceptance phase� quite quickly.
Interesting at the time, this is not something I thought about more a nano second.
How do other people deal with bad news like this? It is really our internal subconscious or is it learned behaviour? I don�t know.
I remember feeling absolute in awe of Dan, our future son in law, when he was diagnosed with cancer last year. I saw the �Shock�, but the �Denial� and most certainly the �Anger� phase I did not see.
Dan seemed to move to �Acceptance� so much quicker than me. I have such respect to the way he handled his journey last year. And of course the best news, he has beaten it!!!!! I would add, that as an �onlooker� you also go through these phases and again, when Dan was diagnosed, I spent considerable time in the �Anger� zone. �Anger� , because it was simply not right!!
Sadly some of our friends are currently going through the experience of dealing with cancer as well. I will ask them, how they initially dealt with this period of their lives. It is not something one would normally ask someone , when you hear that he / she has cancer. I find it fascinating.
Tony, I have known him since I was 18 years old, has been through Chemo twice. How I admire him and how bad a feel for now supporting him more. Chris, who I have also knows since I was 18 years old, is having a hell of a time with cancer. He is tackling it full on and is also going through Chemo. When I first heard about their different cancers, I googled it. How little I know. How brave they both are, and how both seem to accept it and move on, without this �Anger phase�. Maybe this model was written for me , and I am the only one to was just so damm angry? For some long weeks. I feel so sorry for my family who had to experience my anger outburst of WTF!! Thankfully that stage is well and truly over now J and I am smiling as I am writing this now.
With this in mind I find it equally fascinating, although that might not be the right word to use here, so let�s go with , interesting, so compare the different medical systems.
Having lived in Germany, ( I can�t remember going to the doctor in South Africa), France ( Jack our son was born there) , UK ( both girls were born there) and Spain, I compare the different systems of course.
The UK strikes me as a caring system, the nurses I have come across as if they really care. I remember it as feeling �safe�, a �safe system�.
In France it felt like you were a �body�. The doctors were excellent, but their �bedside manner� was something to get used to. Given birth to Jack , was like being a slab of meat, the doctors �did what they had to do�, never mind that at end of that body, I had a head, mind, feelings and emotions.
Germany always seemed totally over the top, funnily enough something I crave right now. You don�t just go to your doctor for with ear ache, but are likely to be referred to a nose / throat / ear specialist, followed by xrays and whatever else they do. The doctors and specialists seems to all work together, know each other and as a patient you just walk through whichever door, the medical �team� has discussed and decided. Also a very �safe� feeling.
Don�t get me wrong, I am not judging or critising any medical system, I am comparing. Comparing to what I have experience here so far in Spain. I found out via google translate that I had cancer in reception of the clinic where I had the mammogram and biopsy. Whilst I speak Spanish and get by just fine, the word �carcinoma� was not on my daily vocab list and I never did Latin at school, ( I am delighted to say J) . That is not the nicest, cuddly way to find out, that as far as you are concerned your life has just stopped. To be left with the analysis that I had to bring to the gynecologist , where I told her that I had Breast cancer, might not be the conventional way compared to the UK or Germany.
Whilst the doctors here have all the contacts, and refer you, you the patient have to make the appointments yourself and push. When the surgeon, finished his consultation after the operation, he simply gave me a piece of paper with a phone number of the hospital. �Call them in order to arrange the Chemo�. Great! ( not!).
Therefore this morning, I was elated, when I called the number my gynecologist had given me in my search for an different more open minded Oncologist, they had clearly already been called by Dr Theresa Saez my gynecologist, as they had my name, my back ground and confirmed an appointment for me on Thursday at 19.30pm. I felt relief!
I am now seeing my ( let�s refer to him as �old�) Oncologist, who is expecting me tomorrow to continue with Chemo during the morning and the �new� Oncologist the day after that. Surely one of them will accept an impossible patient who tells them what she wants pumped into her veins. I hope.
Time is running short now, as I am due to fly to Germany in a week tomorrow to start the alternative treatment, unless I get the Radiology and 'Herceptin' accepted here.
My worry, ( and only in Spain), it is FERIA in Malaga next week. To those of you who are reading this and not living in Spain, that means that virtually an entire City closes for a week. This includes the majority of shops, many bars and restaurants, as well a medical clinics, who are running on emergency cover. One week of celebration. Fine by me under normal circumstance, but bad timing right now. We will find out in the next 48 hours.
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