I feel so alone..........yet so liberated

Last night I had a lovely chat with Cam, a very dear friend of ours. He was asking me lots of questions regarding what I was doing and what I had achieved last week.

As I was talking to Cam, I realised how completely on my own I am now. By 'opting out of chemo', and not having the support from any of the doctors, nobody who is 'overseeing' my ( hopefully) progress. Nobody who is giving me a steer, telling me to 'do more of this' or 'less of this'. Nobody who 'cares'.
When I stop and think about it for a moment, it is gives me a strange feeling of being in 'free flow', 'free fall',  it feels as if the medical systems has moved onto other patients, who will follow 'Protocol' and no doubt will be more lucrative and easy to deal with.
Does that not alone show that the end of the day we are only a number, a number that either fits into 'Protocol' or not and nobody in the medical profession will actually lose any sleep if you don't appear again.........................







On the other hand, I am finding this experience liberating. Since I have taken 'control' over my body and mind again, I feel free and happy. Only I am responsible for what happens next. I can't and won't blame any possible negative effects on anyone, but myself. This goes for the success as well. If I manage to ensure that I have no cancer cells in my body and move on from this period, then this will be down to me and me only.

I decide what I eat, when I eat, even though I must be driving my family mad. Shopping in Lidl,
(they have the largest BIO section I have across in comparison to other supermarkets) is taking on another meaning and anyone watching Geoff and myself are likely to conclude that we have 'lost the plot'.
We now read every label, it is shocking to see the ingredients on what I previously thought was 'healthy'. How can a pack of fresh prawns, have additives and sugar added, when all you the consumer can see, are lovely pink prawns in a clear package? How can some goats cheese yogurts, not have any goats cheese in them? If you read the small print ( and I am going blind, because even with my glasses I struggle to read the small print), it says 'similar to goats cheese'.

I am basically trying to avoid eating and drinking anything  (watch those apparently healthy juices) which is not organic. Remove toxins out of my life! ( Big aim, hard to do!).